This is great, Flows awsome , the subject is very emotianol. The imagedry puts you right there in the girls place. Let me know when this peace is done for you, I would love to read it in its finished state......L.S. Moore

I love it alot! It reminds me of how i feel great job 5/5

I really like the emotion in this poem. I also really liked the conclusion, and how it was different than the rest of the stanzas. The only thing I don't like is the flow, the lines seemed to be all over the place in terms of length. Awesome emotion, though. :)

I loved this piece of work! There was so much emotion, its sad when this stuff happens. I liked how you ended the poem, it was so powerful just because it was so different!
5/5

A very deep piece and the emotion was
outstanding. of course, your flow was good
too. a sad, but still amazing piece.
i simply love these two stanza. :]

"Held captive in a dark and miserable place
A place where mocking demons live
They fill her head with thoughts of suicide and fill her heart with hate

But the illusions in her head soon become too much to bear
To bear all of these intense emotions that cannot be explained
She cant take all of the criticism from the world, she cant take all the stares"

great job. 5/5.

This is amazing, so true, i can really relate to this... 5/5

You certainly fill this to the top with emotion. You hang your heart right out there on your sleeve.

Writing poetry is almost like juggling, you have to make sure you always keep the balls up in the air. You must pay the same amount of attention to every aspect of it - if one fails it loses its glamour.

You have concentrated on the emotion and structure yet you've let a couple of your other "balls" drop, I think the flow is the thing you should concentrate on the most. It never seems to settle into a constant rhythm.

I'm not saying this is a bad poem, far from it, I think this is a very good poem as it stands now ... But it could be much more.

As your foot-note says it's still a work in progress, definitely don't let time slide by on this one - it has definite potential.

~Pete.

The story you told was a sad one filled wiith real emotions and meaning. The imagery was real and the flow was flawless. Well done, I really enjoyed reading it. *5/5*

In my opinion i dont think you need those last three lines..i think it should end with the stanza:

So she takes the advice of her fellow demon friends
Friends that tell her to just end it all, the pain and heartache
She takes the gun and put it to her brain, pulls the trigger and it all ends

it gives the story a finale..i dont think anything really needs to come after that..other than that i like flow and how you would use the last word in the first line to somehow start the second line..which is another reason i think the last three lines should be erased..they dont follow that trend..well good luck with the poem and keep up the good work.

Wow i really love this poem it almost reminds me of me in a way, keep up the great work. 5/5

So very sad. and breath taking.

"Going through life without family or love
Love to consume heart
Now she doesnt believe in anything, not even the ONE above"

stood out to me the most, because this has happened to me.
you wrote this poem so amazingly perfect. dont change one thing about it.

5/5

Oh my god. i dont know what to say it was wonderful it made me sad i felt the emotion

Again you do it,great work
i love how you let me feel ,and the trust,5/5

This was so sad! The poem was really captivating and beautiful, but so deppressing!!!
I absolutely loved it though. The flow was really strong and smooth, the rythm pretty effortless. It really painted a picture in my head as I read it.
5/5
~gabriella

The demons of trust are an issue we all must face, It is great to read it and experience the emotions without having to go through it. Excellent job.

This left me feeling incredibly sad. I truly felt sorry for the girl in the poem. The emotion in this piece was so strong, and a feeling of helplessness laced the tone of the piece.

Nicely done, yet very saddening.

Theres tons of emotion and it projects the feelings very well. The different size/syllable count of the lines make it a bit of a distressed flow, but its alriht. the poem itself is very good.

My favorite of yours thus far.
suicide is such a powerful thing to write about, yet most people cant pull it off. you did, and you did it beautifully.

This is really awesome! You really bring the emotions in your poems.. Good work!!

Very sad. lots of emotion, love the adjectives, they are amazing such as 'fatherless child' 'demon friends' adds to the imagery.

the flow i'm not very sure off.
but keep it up x