Comments : Hold onto your LOVE

  • 14 years ago

    by HidinVictim

    Hehe, well you ruined my comment cause i was going to way this sounds like a song to me, i really like it... 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Blissful

    I liked how it flowed and I could tell it was made to be a song. The emotions were real and ones I could relate with. Beautifully done *5/5*

  • 14 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Good lyric, filled with emotions. It has great flow, and you expressed feelings in a good way. I would really like to hear how this goes with music :)
    My favorite stanza is:

    -I know sometimes I was mistaken
    Sometimes I fail and I'm imperfect
    There are moments Ive been careless
    And never been aware for some things-

    Keep writing!

  • 14 years ago

    by janiL

    Great write!^_^
    very simple yet emotional
    but if this was made into a song, you could either lengthen the verses or add a refrain to make it more 'catchy' to the ears.. just a suggestion..
    anyway..this is a 5/5 for me..=D

  • 14 years ago

    by XxBrokenInsidexX

    That was beautifull :)

  • 14 years ago

    by Teria

    Okay, let me start off with telling you how amazing this is. The flow was off in a few places, but if I heard it sung it might, and probably would be completely different. :]

    I can't fairly comment on it because it is a song, and I've not heard it sung - BUT, those lyrics are amazing.
    with great emotion, great wording.
    you've done a wonderful job with these lyrics, darling.

    i loved it. :]
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Teria

    Okay, let me start off with telling you how amazing this is. The flow was off in a few places, but if I heard it sung it might, and probably would be completely different. :]

    I can't fairly comment on it because it is a song, and I've not heard it sung - BUT, those lyrics are amazing.
    with great emotion, great wording.
    you've done a wonderful job with these lyrics, darling.

    i loved it. :]
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Awe. very beautiful and nicely written. :]
    it was cute and very alluring, to read.
    i love it. :] 5/5.

  • 14 years ago

    by Kaila

    This is alright
    sence it's your first song
    I know you'll get better
    I'm a song writer so
    this is really around my
    territory
    next time just a small hint
    just let the rhythm flow thru you
    then write everything down
    and edit later
    it works
    4/5
    kaila

  • 14 years ago

    by Dave

    As i was reading thru this i found my self with a tune in my head then i get to the bottom of page and you say it was ment as a song .... great work great song and great to see something with a true melody in it thanks for shareing your work

  • 14 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    Amazing and beautiful! ill be sure to hold onto my love!
    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I thought this was beautiful.

    The feelings you placed into this piece are fantastic, they were easily felt throughout the piece.

    "Oh my love, my darling please don't go
    Stay beside me and hold on
    Yeah! Just hold onto your love "

    ^^ What a beautiful opening. So heart warming and hopeful and filled with so much passion that I'm instantly drawn into the piece.

    I also liked this as the repetition part, I thought it worked very well and got your point across wonderfully without becomingto much.

    "Ive been foolish but I love you so
    I promise I wont be the same
    Cause you're my love
    And it will never change"

    ^^ I adore this part...the wanting, the hoping, the longing, and needing..you portrayed the feelings of being in love so very well here.

    The only thing I wasn't to keen on was the constant use of filler words. (I, you, and, the etc) as I thought it messed up your flow at some points. Eliminate some of those ans you'll be surprised how much smoother the flow automatically becomes.

    Other than that though, great job with this.

  • 14 years ago

    by Mr Rhee

    A song? I like it either way. It brings back memoreis from so long ago. Just like it should. Keep it coming.

  • 14 years ago

    by Nelle

    It's good. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to it.

  • 14 years ago

    by RobinAnn13

    This poem has a powerful message. You picked a good stanza to be the repeating chorus. Incredibly good for your first try at song lyrics. ^.^

  • 14 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Cute poem, sounds like it'd be a great song! Sing it for me ;)! I like the way this was written, and the stanza's/verses were worded beautifully! Nice work, 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Nix

    I don't like this too much.
    I am always absolutely honest in my comments and I don't want to offend you this is just my opinion:
    1. First of all the fact that you capitalized ending line left truly negative impression on me cause that seems like a yelling to me.
    2. I think that you could create more powerful atmosphere with more unique choice of words.
    Other than that nice poem, it is little too obvious and typical for my taste but you still expressed your feelings on a good way.

  • 14 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Very cute, cute.
    I like it. The fact that it didn't rhyme and
    the sylables in each stanza were of it through
    the flow off. But other than that..very nice
    and cute poem. :)
    5/5
    <3tay

  • 14 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is pretty good for a first timer...it reminded me of my bf..hes hurt me alot but he keeps telling me to hold on to his love.

    good job.5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by noha

    Sooooooooo gooood