In The End....

Tonight is one of those nights a human being hates to be alone. The skies are crying sheets of tears and the anger from the lord above flashes through the sky.

All the lights are out in my room as I sit by myself on the carpeted floor. I watch the time on the clock tick slowly away. Thats how my life has been since you life my side slow and unnerving without you. If I could only have a second chance to woo you into my arms again.

God do I miss you, you and the sweet scent of your skin as I sit in the dark alone, the warmth your arm brought when you put them around waist, and the kiss that had the ability to brighten up even the darkest of day. But most of all the idea of having someone there for me everyday

But tonight I must suffer though this alone without you by my side.

I see a flash of lightning streak across the seemingly endless night. I get up cautiously and slowly try to head to the bathroom to take a shower but as I try to stand a shot of pain shots through my body. ahhh Is all I could say as I struggle through the pain and hurt.

With my feet heaver then an any weight in the world, I gradually make my way to the bathroom. I carefully strip away my blood-ridden shirt and my ripped up pants. The only thing left was my underwear and bra but before I could take them off I look at myself in the mirror for the first time in along time. I could see all the changes this heart-ack has put onto my body.

My eyes look so sad for they have no color. And.......and.... my hair has no softness or beauty to it. But the one thing that I shall never forget was when I saw all the cut that have been etched into my skin. They have consumed my left arm and stomach. They are so ugly but they show everything that I become=nothing. The only thing that is left is my feeble god forsaken mind and the sickness that has consumed me fully.

I put my head down in humiliation that I have actually allowed my body and mind to become this way. That I have changed so much in such little time. i am nothing like whom I used to be.

I cautiously step into the stemming hot shower I have prepared for myself. I stem hits my face quickly and in that second with my head pointed toward the sprayer I feel the tears of disappointment start to flow down my face.........how could I let myself get this way I thought to myself

The tears continue to streaming down my face as I let my broken and destroyed body be covered in the burning hot water. With my face still pointed toward the head of the sprayer the water droplets mix with my tears. I wanted so badly for the water to penetrate my head and wash all the memories that still haunt me to this day. But nothing like that could ever happen it just another wish left unanswered.

NO!!! I say aloud here they come the memories...here comes the pain. . Please leave me alone I just cant seem to let you go, you are my sweetest downfall and I still love you. After everything that you have done to me I still see you as the love of my life. You *ucking cheated and I let it all slip like nothing happened like to did not matter that you broke my heart in two.

I feel my knees slowly give out on me as I let my body sink to the floor of the bath. I suddenly see blood in the water pushing its way around me to get to the drain. The deep cut on my arm is bleeding even more.

I guess I never told you ive been bleeding for a long time now I think im dying....I thought that nothing else is working....not those stupid pills nor my therapist could take away the pain of you. Then I will bleed it out. I will bleed out the memories; I will bleed the sickness and pain out of my head.

I lay my head again the back of the tub knowing that the last drops of blood are going to flow out of me any second. But as I sit in this shower with the warm water running down my body and the only thing I could think about is I will never have to see another lonely sunrise or see the sky flash lightning alone again. I will be with God finally in the END

about my ex