The lies, the pain, the never existed

Thoughts of days long ago...still run through my head...
only now do i see that there never was an us not even a friendship that i could've trusted.

it was all about you and what you could gain, all you did was use me, you lied every word, every caring move.

how could i have fallen for someone who seemed so right, only to find out that i wasn't worth anything to you, all those times i thought you were hurting and venting on me, those terrible things you said...must've been your truth.

only now are my eyes open to the truth. you never did care, those words that i pretended i hadn't heard, it all comes rushing at me...engulfing me...tearing me apart inside... pain beyond the pain that you had saved me from all that time ago.

you apologized for the first time ever, yet never would've if not for my friends, that was the real moment of the truth, you apologized and expect it to all go away and expect me to be back where i started.

all this time i could've trusted my friends protected myself from the inevitable hurt, you blinded me and led me on, now I'm away from it at the cost of feeling broken.

nice to know that i wasn't meant to be anything to you...i trusted you beyond belief and believed that i loved you then yet again you tear me down...this time i will not let it happen again i don't want to suffer more than this fearing that it will never be alright again all because of you.

are you happy? satisfied? i hope it was worthwhile to you, because you lost just as much without knowing it...
this is my hardest goodbye one that could kill me inside, but hope remains that it is not as bad as those words that i received that remain in my head all day long.