"Bite my crust, wee-otch..."

From the Sci-Fi Channel version of Final Destination 2

Remember, it's the people like me that make the rest of you normal...

I am a swordsmaster, be-0tch - I will kick your a*s!

"I love Doritos......sometimes...."

My ex, Carmen, on the phone one night

You can pick your friends,
You can pick your nose,
Try to pick your friend's nose with an M-80 and the police will question you...

"That was so terrible, I think it gave me cancer."

- Calculon, Futurama

PS: That is how part of the alphabet would look if Q and R got married, moved away, developed marital problems, became drug addicts, and then killed themselves...

This is not Burger King, you cannot have it your way. This is MacDonalds, get off the rag and put on a smile.

My friend Brandon about the automotive teacher...

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.