VALEDICO'S POETRY CONTEST: PART TWO

Lmao, Nor, you're amazing

Now that everything is set aright, I'll not mess your thread any farther.

There are too many girls on this site.

Where were all the males clawing for my attention when I held my contest, that's what I want to know.

Everyone wants you, Abby. That's kind of a given.

I must have had a dress on that day..

But yes i get your drift.. :P

In fat u a shone...

Seems some of you forgot about this! Come on guys! Give me something at least! I have 5/10 poems.

9-hours

Oh wow :O...

would you extend this? If people did not give their poems on time Danny?

Well I know that 2 of the 5 poets I need are almost done. I'm not sure I should extend it because I've given everyone almost a week...

Mmmm well, I hope you guys finish by the hours left for you!!

Unless some are still looking for their presents underneath the trees.

Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcJ-wNmazHQ

Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcJ-wNmazHQ

^^
LOL
you had to do this

I need 3 more poems -- 5 and a half hours remaining

Oh not bad :)

Hey V..
commeee ooonn ..We Want to read the Poems of your contest.

5 mins left.

Was at work! I'll post them now

It's been tough for people to get poems in because of Christmas so I want to thank the ones that did. :)

--

1) Less Traveled By (3)
Boundlessly tossing into
the ocean ..
Gathering jewels from the muddled
surface.

Crowded-
crowded harmonically with
alphabetical seeds .
Asking for a dwelling secret;
that's surfacing with reluctance
yet sailing for the sun.

Seeking light that's
emerging through knowledge;

an ultimate devotion for words.

Unforgettable history-
acquainted with endless nights.
Sunsets and dawns;
engraved on the forehead of infinity.

Forever escaping reality;
where time has no tongue to speak
and pain has no ink.

Seeking poetry; in indifferent vales.
Where rivulets flow from mind to mind;
rippling love ; for wistful hearts.

Opening new doors only for those who seek;

the roads "Less Traveled By".
--

2) Simple Dwellings (2)
An easy cottage wrapped in
southern comfort -
and the flashing beams striking down,
dripping sunshine and strength from heaven,
reminding me I always have somewhere

Far away from the bustling city
and roar of midnight pedestrians
is my place tucked away beneath the stars
full of morals and structure,
and the hustle of hard work
with promises to pay off.

Old wooden stairs draw up
a rickety porch, and the transparent
sight of a rocking chair moving gently
from the blowing wind
shows me you can always find simplicity.

You can't always go home,
but in my dreams I picture my place
full of bright wild flowers in a field
and a pasture of wild game -
living within the true meaning
of nature and it's beauty.

--

3) Egyptology (2)
For centuries
they've trapped you
in history's tomb
- a Hatshepsut -

while historians fussed
''Dynastic! Pre-dynastic!
Ptolemaic!'' over every
ornamental sarcophagi

My heart ached,
Cleopatra's eyes filled
with rage

- For you were dying -

and Alexandria burned,
faster than Rome, the night
a snake's bite
was said to ensure
immortality
- In exchange of a life
unfinished -

and a death wish
was twisted

Egyptologists forsook
their lands, their language,
their lives
to decipher ancient
scripts - a Rosetta Stone -
and write
- in pictures -
demotic, Coptic
and Hieroglyphic.
Arabic forgotten.

Still to me you couldn't
be chronicled,
found in stone, burial chambers,
shrines or passages

but rather in
the rise of minarets;
proud. The sway
of church bells;
free. In river-inlaid
oceans, old wives tales,
and colorful Egyptian
beads. In The gallop
of Arabian horses;
unsaddled. The dance of
the Bedouin tribes and cotton
seeds.

and I took off my shoes
at the threshold of your
temple, and walked
barefoot
towards the sea

your vein was mine; a nile.
your heart was mine; a desert
and oasis of green

Egypt, I'd free you
from the coffins of history,
If I could, and let you
breathe

- For you were dying;
dying in us -

and Alexandria burned,
faster than Rome, the night
an Asp's bite
was said to ensure
one death wish:

''Egypt forever Pharaonic''

My heart ached,

Cleopatra's eyes filled
with tears.

--

4) Leavings [Under A Sunshine Moon...] (1)
Everything you may possibly leap to name:
Pairing moon, waning moon, shooting star,
Falling star, paths through grassy plain -
GONE! Like an eclipse on freezing valleys.
If there were something you didn't know:
She kept a jar of raisins in her knapsack,
Which, undoubtedly, was infused through feelings from Venus.
They say, the sky whispers during twilight
With a thousand lonely prayers yet to be heard.
Though I could hardly ever remember the fire
When there was still a cool wind blowing,
Something still burned on that far side of Sunshine.
The woods that are left you will still find
Her scent in the breeze, her kiss on the leaves
And her eyes that open only to the sky...

...Today, when I walked out of Seven Eleven,
Night fell on noon like some 18 degrees;
Still the sun didn't go down deep enough
For everything to become visibly dark.
Stumbling through many a faraway avenues
Everything seemed crazy in their neon sheen.
A pile of leaves suddenly blown off ground
In the shape of a garland seeking for shelter;
So, I picked a moon from that near-black sky
To wreathe in the core of a red, red rose...

--

5) Written on the last page of the Book Of Love (3)
Within his ancient twilight
My porcelain heartbeats
Float upon the melted silence
And once again,
From the dew filled hands of oblivion
His sacred syllables,
With wings of immortality arise:

"in your light I learn how to love
in your beauty, how to make poetry"

They caress my moon-burned eyes
Then, lift me to heaven
To play hide and seek
With a Poet
Whom I have never met
Yet, lives in my soul...

--

6)Opening Up (1)
How you smile like that
I may never comprehend.
While I fall into it's idea,
I have to thank you, dear heartbreaker,
For how you showed me what it is.

While I fell for you,
we were each other's mirrors,
how I sought our explorations that
I couldnt, didnt want to,
take with others,

And how things change. Better -
now my dreams distance themselves
from that smile, to open up.
Your person still shines, I know
forever we will be friends, dear,
and that Ill love you all the while.

Being you, moulding me,
but mostly,
Because you showed me what it is.

--

7) Gatherer (3)
She skips around light posts,
clutching at her rebellious skirt and
scaring away possums who skitter
into the shadows of the eucalyptus. They
turn to look with baleful eyes as she
stops, smirks, twirls
and moves on.

On the flat top of a mountain
she stands sentry, drinking down
the wash of the rainstorm
as if it were strong clear wine, letting it
run in snaking rivulets down her collarbone and
in streaks to drip off the tips
of her fingers.

She watches the march of a sunbeam
as it moves in all its wavering finery
across the tufts of the carpet, the
sheen of the sheets, the amber of her leg
and the bundle of her lover's sleeping form, and
casts the hours ahead of her like
glass beads clinking in a dish.

A gypsy of a poet, a fortuneteller,
in silks and tassels and mud on her toes
who can peek into the rending of life's cloth-

who, with a conjure, with an
abracadabra,
with the smallest raising of her eyebrow
or flash of her teeth, slides
moments into place with all the thriving
resonance of music,

who can sink her teeth into a mango
and bite clear down to
the seed
of the world.

--

8) Undefined Time (1)
There I was in youth
consuming time whilst
reading novels to
attentive ears -
a moment in bonding,
a memory,
a hobby.

there you were
gone fishin' -
casting that line,
as the trickling waters
accompanied you -
a moment of passion,
a memory,
a hobby.

there I was -
helping you cast that line
a time or two,
soaking in the joy of
your partial smile,
barely curling your lips
as you reeled each fish in.

there you were
struggling through the days
with odds piled heavenward -
yet you still managed to
find time to do
what you loved most.

there we were -
living in days no longer
promised,
yet we made the most
of them for time was
undefined.

those were the days...
now they are gone,
along with the person
I longed to share
these moments with -
but the memories will
and still remain
forever.

--

9) Recollections (2)
Great Plebeians, heroes
martyrs, and revolutionists
across the barbed-wire land
bled your ground regal red

Yet behold the radiance
and glory they had fared
swelling forth upon the lips
of each wounded man

Where streets are paved with tales
of those who have been slain
bowed are tyrants that had once dared
such it is--no greater than valor

Land of the morning, dear and holy
cradle of patriots and noblemen
'tis where my haunting youth
and passion sat enthroned

But like a prodigal son, my return home is gone
for I am trapped in a never-never land
of cultural identities and illusory dreams
of lost self-esteem and broken vows.

--

10) The Power of Words (3)

Forever her words linger
in the depths of my mind.

A body stripped
of precious moments
and happy memories of youth.
Yet like the last fallen leaf
on an Autumn day, she stands unbroken
knowing why "the caged birds sings"

A voice restrained by chains,
and subdued by the guilt that
follows her trembling innocence.
She walks with power
and speaks with grace.
Never allowing the world
to steal the dignity
of a "Phenomenal Woman"

It is only after I have withdrawn
my eyes from her words,
and the cold shivers have settled
and my eyes wiped of fallen mist,
do I see clearly.
The power of the human spirit - that loves

I too shall rise again upon the wings
of one woman's compassion and wisdom.
A woman - a poet - an author - a mother

An inspiration

____
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
Maya Angelou

Raped by her mother's boyfriend at the age of 7 1/2, her rapist was killed by her uncles
She thought her voice had killed him so she stopped speaking for 5 1/2 years.

Please take a moment to watch this short video and read a little about this amazing lady.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiImfyTBiUY&feature=related

--

I loveeeeee theeeeeeeem
ALL!!
AMAZING

Wow! Great poems!

I love #3 and #7 the most!

All of these poems were simply amazing. I love the qualities and different taste. :]

20 minutes =D

What happened to the 20 mins ?

did they give birth.
..
O_o o_O

Everyone, gather round! I want to thank you for your patience -- it's been a very busy week and I want to thank these ten poets for submitting some truly fine work. The results are in, the comments are here. Two of you will be leaving us so we're left with 8 poets for my third challenge, which will hopefully have you all in shock! I'll stop with the cheesiness now and leave you with your fate. Thank you!

--
1ST PLACE: Gatherer (29 pts)
10 + 9 + 10

-This was clearly written for the abracadabra of our PnQ, and what an awesome poem it is. The portrayal is magnificent in magnitudes, and the inclusion of the poet's alias is a clever, careful touch, placed perfectly. I reveled in the playful, spirited imagery, and the intelligent wording. Though a longer poem, the story does not stray even a fragment from its intended journey. Strong, skilled, succulent. Kudos, kudos.

-This poem is a clever play on words that captures the essence of the poet nicely. The descrption is clear painting not only personality but the surroundings of an authentic Australian landscape. I re-read this poem several times and each time I became enchanted by the clever imagery. Stanza three created a romantic connection not only between poet and her lover, but between the poet and her surroundings, reinforcing the idea that her personality is captured by her home. This was the most enjoyable read for me out of all the poems simply because it had character.

--
2ND PLACE: Egyptology (26 pts)
9 + 8 + 9

-I give props to this poet for a unique story and great choice to base a place-based poem. Egypt! The descriptors both new and old seemed to ride against each other, one overtaking the other and back and forth again. I would advise this poet to hone their knowledge of commas and semi-colons; when each should be used. The hyphens were excessive as well, but I appreciated them in essence of the content because they add something exotic and distant. I appreciate the length of the poem vertically whilst using cropped lines (very appealing). The ending, however, has me up in the air. I am not sure if I like it ... perhaps it needs to grow on me. An excellent write overall.

-This poem was quite unique, I found it to be the most emotive out of the lot. I felt wrath from certain use of words such as 'snake' 'coffins' ect but when you actually read deeper into this poem you see tragedy. The connection between Egypt and the way the poet wrote really allows you to have an idea of the passion the writer feels on such a subject. This poem was written almost like an old wise tale, one with caution and knowledge, and the fact that the poet incorporated themself within this poem allows the readers to know that it is something held deep within the heart. Clever desciption with a vein becoming the nile, a nice play with words. At first when I read this piece I felt that the lines were a little choppy and effected the flow but I later realized they work at quite an advantage, pausing just to allow you to be hit with a little more emotion.

--
3RD PLACE: Less Travelled By (21 pts)
6 + 6 + 4 + 5BP

-Without the title, I am not sure I could have pulled the referenced poet (Frost) from the lines of the poem, but it is a hard task to carry out without being overly direct, and I am keeping that in mind. A lovely poem overall with an appreciation for language, grammar, and poetic embodiment. I am a sucker for a well structured free verse and this is just that, although it seems the poet uses semi-colons for aesthetic appeal toward the end where commas should have been used in place. I point this out merely for the poet's benefit and not because I am mentally deducting points. It is a very pretty poem overall - flowery in a glistening, refined way.

-Without the author telling us who this was about, I don't think I would've been able to deduce...The first stanza is a little nonsensical and abstract, yet as the poem moves on, there are flashes of beauty and excellence often let down by odd phrasing, having said that, the poem has more merits than I give it credit for, such as the penultimate stanza, which left me speechless. In her own words, a true and ultimate devotion to a poet's words.

-
4TH PLACE: Undefined time (21 pts)
5 + 10 + 6

-I am deeply moved by this poem. It is raw and real, delivered beautifully and with polished skill. My eyes are watering and that does not happen for me very often with poetry. The intentional repetition and lack of capitalization is a preference of mine too when used properly as it is here, and the story residing in the poem hits home - it thwacked my heart and cracked it. The poet is wise and humble; important traits toward the voice of his or her poem(s).

-Something antique captured me in this poem, while the poet didn't write with archaic language the essence within the poem itself held something warm in my heart. I found myself reminiscing on those beautiful memories shared in the past with that special someone and I also felt the pain of loss at the end of the poem. It's quite unusual to see fishing incorporated into a poem was is what first captured my attention, and while to most of us fishing is fishing, obviously a strong bond is created between two people because of this hobby. This poem had a simplisitic nature, but a beautiful essence in every way.

--
5TH PLACE: The Power of Words (20 pts)
8 + 5 + 7

-The last fallen leaf on an Autumn day is an image that has stuck in my mind after reading. Beautiful and sad. This is a nice ode to Maya Angelou and it made my heart sink. I was not enormously impressed with the poem itself, emotions aside, but poems are very much driven by how they make a reader feel. This poem made me feel strongly. I am ranking it higher because of that.

-Because of the information included, I was able to really get a sense of the persona before I started to read. A heartfelt experience; the poet uses evocative and life affirming language 'She walks with power and speaks with grace.' Simple, yet absolutely effective. I felt moved by this poem. It oozes class and emotion.

6TH PLACE: Recollection (19 pts)
7 + 7 + 5

-Another fantastic poem. I am impressed by the skills exhibited by our PnQ poets in this contest! I like that the length of the lines grow as the story inside the poem grows, and we as readers are taken on a colorful, linear journey through time and on into the present. Epic telling of an epoch from a modern man. The end of the poem successfully wraps up the personal volumes of the writer, and his sense of loss (external and internal). I am left pondering with my chin in the palm of my hand, soaking up the meaning. I wish I could rank the poem higher, but there are too many good poems to choose from.

-This, I felt was a little too storytelling and quite empty in parts. All criticism aside, the content appeared well researched and left me wanting to read it again. The story becomes more involved and engrossing as it goes on, leading the reader to listen intently but not empathise. It was one of those poems that's enjoyable to read yet forgets to follow you when you take your eyes off it. Very well written, though.

7TH PLACE: Leavings [Under a Sunshine Moon] (14 pts)
3 + 3 + 8

-So, this poem is supposed to be about a person, right? I felt the person being written about for the first half of the first stanza, which was written excellently, but the second half of the first stanza grew mildly confusing and I had to reread it. Then the second stanza's content is vaguely disjointed, thus I was further confused. The poem standing on its own is great. It is a somber, introspective piece written in melancholic, nighttime reflection. I can easily relate to it. As it relates to the contest, however, I feel this poet was not as successful as their skills could have taken them (hence the lower than otherwise score).

-This poem was intriguing and deserving of the several reads it takes to truly grasp what's going on. It had a nice romantic twist at the start, with the latter half of the poem containing some of the most crisp and vivid imagery I've seen in quite a while. I thought the form was off putting because it was too formulaic, too distracting from the actual content.

8TH PLACE: Written on the last page of the Book Of Love (9 pts)
4 + 2 + 3

-Though the word choices are pretentious for my taste (porcelain, oblivion, sacred, caress, soul - how they are used is too sugary), I appreciate the expressions used and I could feel the poet's emotions surging throughout. Transparent passion is a grand thing in any writer. I am ranking this poem lower than it probably deserves because I wanted more; both in length and originality. Still, a good poem, worthy of praise.

-This poem had a romantic essence behind it, some beautiful description here but sometimes I felt like it wasn't needed. Each object or idea ect had something before it, eg. Ancient - twilight, porcelain - heartbeats, melted- silence. While this description is stunning it didn't give the poem room to breathe and didn't allow the emotion to be written on the surface. Instead the mind focuses on imaging all these beautiful images and forgets to feel aswell.

------------------------------------
9TH PLACE: Simple Dwellings (6 pts)
1 + 3 + 2

-Let me get my complaints out of the way: 'Always' is repeated too many times - absolutes are risky in themselves, and using them too much is a bad habit. Also, be careful with your its and it's. Now, apart from these fallbacks, this is a good poem. I was pulled fully into the imagery and captivated by the quaint, quiet country setting. The distaste for cities is apparent, and while I generally like cities, I felt I could relate to this poet's preference for bigger skies and the hominess of wide open spaces. Nicely painted. Kudos.

-I enjoyed the description in this poem, the poet used the elements of poetry nicely. The use of onompatopeia in "roar of midnight pedestrians" was quite a clever descriptive sound that actually allowed me to feel as though I was amongst those people in the bustling city. However I felt the flow lacked in areas of this poem, the way some lines ended and began were a little abrupt.. I liked the inspirational message behind this poem but I just didn't find myself wanting to read it over and over again.

10TH PLACE: Opening Up (4 pts)
2 + 1 + 1

-I apologize for being hard on grammar, but you need apostrophes in words that have been condensed from two words (could not, did not, I will, etc.). This poem is a step up from teen-angst, but only one step. Thoughts are unoriginal and lack depth. I advise the writer to continue practicing because they are headed in the right direction.

-It was hard for me to place this as the last on my list, I did enjoy the poem but I felt like I had read it before, the creativity came and went within it. The idea of being each others mirrors, beautiful! but apart from that the poem didn't have something unique to make it really stand out. I do see strength within this poem which is what allowed for it not to become cliche, I found it to be emotive but at the same time it didn't touch all my senses like the first poem did. I believe it takes different elements to make a beautiful piece and while this poem did capture emotion it lacked in other areas.

--

The emergency judge I have (and trust) gives me points but no comments because of time restrictions. I hope that doesn't dissatisfy any of you in any way.

I guess it could be considered frustrating...I'm sorry, I just consider this person very knowledgeable and neutral. She is merely helping me out and the contest, so instead of having just two rankings, there are three.

I'll reveal who it is after the contest is over! :)

Britt, I'm sorry if you didn't pass this round. hard luck and better luck next time. However the judge you were angry at in the post you deleted (by accident), in which you asked them to go back and read your poem again and tell you where are your grammatical mistake, is correct. your ''it's'' in the last line should indeed be ''its''. you can even check Google, it'll correct it for you.

oh, and I'm not the judge, just a word of fairness.

Good work and good luck to all those who are moving to the third round!

Oh, I didn't answer the part of the judges and why are there two comments instead of three, that was directed at Danny, Britt. that's his to answer alone.

But you were talking about a grammatical mistake that you didn't notice, and I did, and you sounded like you thought they misjudged you, so I pointed it out? you're welcome!

Wow, I thought this is a place for everyone to read, and interact!

Anyway, congrats to those who have passed this round!

Yep, it is... Congrats poets. Congrats everyone who moved on. Thank you, judges.

''Yes, but Nor as you always do, butt in where it's not needed. Unless you are the judge, which you state you aren't, it still wasn't for you. If you see, I did not add it back to my post for a reason.''

butt in where it's not needed? wow. I never knew these threads were chatting threads? and only between two people. otherwise it could be taken to pm? I mean when you post here, on the main boards, you should expect someone to comment on what you said whether in agreement or disagreement.

you said you deleted it by accident and I'm not a mind reader to know why you didn't add it back, I didn't even bother myself with that. BUT I'm sure other people, like me, saw it so it's a bit unfair for the judge in my opinion and that's why I commented. and nope, I'm not the judge or even know them.

''But thank you oh-so-much for trying to make me look like an idiot :) It's appreciated.''

I don't think anyone can make someone ''look'' like an idiot, Britt. I don't post for you. sorry you took it that way though. I didn't attack you or anything, just pointed out the mistake and defended the judge's point.

yes, lets move on, indeed!

Do the first comments match up with the middle points? That would make more sense.

I said this; and I will say it again:

it is only a contest;
and things are good.

We all have this cool spirit I hope.
I can see Britt's point, like she knew she missed that mistake; which why she didn't repost that complaint again. And Britt felt annoyed when Nor pointed it out after {Britt realizing it already}

And Nor obviously did not intend to piss Brit off, and was only trying to give her opinion , and give a praise to the judges by letting Brit know that she actually did make the (it's mistake) ..in case she did not SEE that.

Misunderstanding (which is pretty common), nothing more.. so let us just enjoy the rest of the day ..without tension ..

Love each other :P

Thanks for organizing this contest, Danny Boy! I thought this round was strong from top to bottom... and I don't say that for every round of every contest.

Congrats to everyone !
Loved each and every one of them.

Congrats to those moving on, well done.

How do you know how many move to the next round?
Do you decide after the results are in or before ?

Just trying to figure out (before I do my contest) how you guys figure out how many get cut.
Do you go by a percentage or try and keep a certain amount for the next round.
Anyone who has held a contest previously please feel free to answer.
Sorry I have never done one before so I'm very curious.

Oh ok Britt I get it now.
I like it that way. I just wouldn't like if there is 2 going in to the last round.
Would make me uncomfortable if I were a contestant. So I like your way instead of having just 2 at the end, you have 3.
Thanks :)

Lol let us hope Lu that me and you will actually find participants :P

can you imagine running a contest for 3 people !
hm..

Thank you to the poet who wrote Gatherer. I am flushed with honour. I am speechless with wonder. I am bloated with ego. You have drunk me in beautifully, in wisps, permeating through the pores of my poems in a way I have never envisioned myself. I wish I could write like that.

If you are free this Sunday, let's go to Hanging Rock and get lost together.

You're all fantastic

Also, give me a chance to sleep then I'll post the next round :)

1st judge left no comments by the way, just to clear things up. I think this whole commenting thing has become too much of a 'necessity'

hopefully none of you feel cheated that you didn't receive three comments and understand that two is good enough. :)

There will be 8 poets in round thee, 4 in round four, and 2 in round five. Sound good? No? Tough :P

There will be 8 poets in round thee, 4 in round four, and 2 in round five. Sound good? No? Tough :P

^^^

HAHA!! Nice move Danny..ya tough indeed man.