Colm's Challenge Final Round

And then there were three! Well done to the three surviving poets who made is this far. Keep up the good work for just one more cahllenge!

Final Challenge: 'You don't say... I mean... don't say you'
.
^^
Quite self-explanitory here. You have to write a poem to another person, or addressing another person, without using the word 'you' anywhere in the poem. Also, you can only use the word 'your' once. (Can't use you're).

Try to be creative as usual. Make it quite clear that it is aimed at a certain person, that its more than just a poem talking about a person but that it's talking to them. The judges will be looking out for how well you manage this as well as the overall quality of the poem, of course.

As previously stated, there will not be full points on offer this round. Top poem takes 8pts per judge, second poem takes 5pts per judge and third poem takes 3pts per judge.

I'm hoping to see some fantastic poems to wrap up the competition and possibly seal your place at the top spot!

Deadline is THURSDAY 22nd SEPTEMBER. The full results and winner will then be posted that weekend.

Good luck to all! Pm me with any queries/problems

Haha, is this because Abbys comment last round?!

What was her comment last round? lol

Edited, just went back to check

'And "You" must be the most popular character in contemporary poetry.'
^^
Maybe it was on a subconscious level but it wasnt intentional. I actually seen a similar challenge to this once before I think and thought it was a good idea.

I was going to give a mother of all challenges but I didnt want to give the contestants a heart attack ha. Lets see what they conjoure up with this one :)

OMG this is very easy but very TOUGH! no "you"
:O
:O
suicidal round :S

Thanks, GREAT COLM. XD

*Steels herself for a bunch of poems with thees, thous and thys.*

Hahahaha smart one Abby.

Bahah Abby. If this happens I feel sorry for the judges!

"I was going to give a mother of all challenges but I didnt want to give the contestants a heart attack ha."

I bet we'd ALL love to know what that would've been.

Abby, I really hope somebody pulls that. They'd lose, of course but the brazen attempt would be worth at least SOME bonus points.

Not that I want this to get over with (I promise!) but is anyone doing the next challenge?

Yup, Abby will be doing it, I think.

This is a tough one!

Oh crap. You have a good memory, Queen! My contest won't be like these official ones- it'll be something new that'll only last around a week. In the meantime, is there anybody else who wants to start organising for the new monthly site contest?

And Colm, I also want to know what your original idea was!

I've been considering a contest.

Dooooooo ittttttt.

Jorden!! if your contests are like your poems, consider meee iiinnn already

Yessss.........yesssss Jordddddansss contest......loveeess thisssss....ok ....

it will be after colms contest,,,right away, right?:P:P

me likessss me likeeesssss.

Hey Colm! Hope the site's dickheadedness didn't affect your contest too much. As yours is almost over, just wanted to give the heads up to everybody that it looks like Jordan may be too busy to host the next one. Is there anybody here who wants to start one next week? If this is too late notice, I have a short, week-long contest up my sleeve to cover the gap- but I am happy to save it for an emergency.

People in my club don't usually check main forums so I will ask in there! I'd love to see a contest come from PR though, they're tucked away and quiet. Come out, come out, where ever you are!! ;)

Ok, a bit late, due to the sillyness of the site being down, but here are the final three poems of the contest. Judging is taking place and once the results are in, Ill post the overall results and we will have a winner :)

Poem 1
Morning at Grandmother's House

First, I hear the curtains drawn back. Next,
the door's distant creak and the rustle
of sari, crushed from a night's sleep,

against smooth, mosaic floors to the kitchen.
The gush of water, the clunk on the stove
and then that long silence before

the gurgling whistle, sharp and sudden.
There, in that pause, I imagine the view
outside the diamond-grilled window:

the light is gray, the street damp with monsoon,
and stray dogs search for scraps in gutters.
The smell of smoke and rotting fruit is only

distant on this misty morning that
wavers a moment before the coming day.
Even now, as the slow shuffle of footsteps

at last come to wake me with hot milk tea,
with my blankets to my chin and legs stretched straight,
I like to think of your still face at the kitchen window-

white hair crimped from its nightly plaits, old skin
smelling like cold cream, faded brown eyes

gazing at a scene of 60 years,
waiting for the kettle to boil.

*****

Poem 2
Saying Goodbye

The moon once held
our hands together,
a brightened bond
instead we sweep shards
of shattered lunar pieces.

How did we become
a drifting kite
wrapped in the tentacles of
a widened willow?

Why do our burdens run
much deeper than they should,
and how could memories
be endlessly tormented
with scurried lies?

My heart is full
of gut wrenching pleas
for unity and apologies,
my mind tells me
the eclipse has just started.

*****

Poem 3
There it is!
The lone word on the page being
picked up and torn apart!

Friends,
there is a message hidden somewhere
beyond valleys or better yet;
miles below the
deepest sea.
It seems as though
the viewers could not find it
and so I called upon judges,
ever so sweetly,
to find it for them.

They began as dogs
dragging tongues across
the air; probing and prodding -
ferociously ferreting phrases
and fretting in fear
for they
failed to find a flow.

Fellow finalists,
you must know that
the word feels
the meticulous maiming of its
morphs. It cries;
yet there is evidence that,
while the judges are skilled
and just adjudicators,
they are bereft of all
senses - seemingly smitten
by the mere notion of
being mocked
by a misguided attempt
at palaver through poetry.

There it is!
Effervescent.

A story is being told here.
Foam frothing forth through
a dog's mouth in the minds eye...
That word! It cries! Feels
scrutinized!
I called to Colm: "It is there, by gosh
I swear! The judges
cannot find the time
to look anywhere."
I begged at the feet of the
master of this thing;
this play,
this game of words,
the prime puppeteer pulling
at the strings.
Alas,
perhaps this is it.

The time is near, players,
for this to be put to rest.
Let us ask that the word be
washed away with
the rest of the stage.
Perhaps the scurrilous scrutiny
of such a misfit
will then be put to sleep,
and the reader will then see
what curiously
couldn't be uncovered.

So now the story
feels dreary eyed, too.
It's over!
Done! Dead!
The journey is through -
paths have been exposed
by the wit of winds
coming through those yawning valleys and currents
spawning from the
depths of our deep seas.
Finally, the word is at peace;
the story comes to and end
and I bid to the other two
of Colm's top three:
when this is over
let us rest easy.

I love #3, very creative!

Great poems.

Last call for the next host of the next site contest! Anyone? Glory awaits!

This thing gonna end or what? I'm excited for the next contest.

What next contest?

Well yours if you're holding it.

Oh okay. I thought perhaps someone else, unbeknownst to me, might have volunteered to hold the regular one.

I better start organising time for my irregular one.

Abby, do you mean there has been such a thing as a 'regular' contest here?

Bear in mind, before you answer, that the word 'regular' takes on a whole new meaning for people my age.

Bahahaha. Yeah, I meant the site contest, hosted by a different member each month, usually with four weekly elimination rounds. It's been happening fairly regularly for a year now.

I've already hosted one of these and I have another one up my sleeve that will only last a week with a completely different format and feel. Members of my club are acquainted with it.

For everything else, there is Metamucil.

Very nice!

Mmmm . . . orange flavor Metamucil. Tastes like Tang

Here are the results of round three. Apologies for the the delay, the site being down set it back a few days. Thanks again to the judges, great job! And now with the completition of the final round, the overall results are just moments away... Watch this space people!

1st - (19pts) Morning at Granmother's House - (8) (8) (3)
2nd - (18pts) Effervescent - (5) (5) (8)
3rd - (11pts) Saying Goodbye - (3) (3) (5)

Morning at Grandmother's House

'This was just an all-around quality poem. There wasn't anything showy and dramatic in it... what it did successfully was capture this quiet moment in time. Instead of describing every little thing, the author picked out some succinct images - the stray dogs, the wavering light, the warm blankets - and they are clear enough to kind of fill in everything you need to know. I can see this happening without even having to work to imagine it.

I felt that this poem also did the most with the challenge to not use "you." The poet is clearly describing their grandmother and addressing her, so it has this intimate feel, which makes not using "you" more challenging. I saw the one "your" and thought "oh, you naughty poet, you did that on purpose!" But then I remembered that a single "your" was allowed.

The ending was superb.'

'Wonderful job of auditory clues translated to visual images and kinesthetic experiences. Permeating the poem is the tangible landscape of early morning in the subcontinent, with the poet languidly awaiting breakfast as the setting. Far more substantial is this paean to the devoted grandmother who is the true artist described in the poem, as she makes the day come alive for her grandchild just by performing her morning ritual. This poem is heartfelt and wholly unexpected to have been turned in for a contest; it is the type that usually catches the poet unaware and virtually writes itself from memory. 'Your' is used once as allowed.'

'I wasn't too fond of the opening, I felt like the usage of 'first' and 'next' in the first line was a mistake. It certainly didn't feel like a poem with those words used in the way they were. I'd suggest removing them and finding something else. Also, the strict three lined stanzas sometimes worked and other times didn't. Some thoughts seemed quickly cut off because of this. Though on a better note, I really thought the imagery of your grandmother's house was excellent and very specific. It added a lot to the poem in a way that it was quite personal. A lot of this poem was very original and many of the phrases and descriptions stood out to me like 'diamond-grilled window'; it seemed much thought went into each one. However, if I were to get knit-picky on the actual challenge, which was addressing or talking TO someone without using the word 'you' - I felt you could have done a bit better job on this maybe. I thought it was unique that your grandmother's house makes you think of her, and with that you wrote about a morning at her house in great detail, but I think it should have been directly addressed to your grandmother a bit more, hence the word TO. I felt your poem addressed her, but in a more indirect way. Perhaps this is what makes the poem a bit more interesting or maybe you could have used other pronouns and it still would have probably had the same effect. This poem is definitely a tough call for me, I'm a bit neutral on my thoughts of it.'

------
Effervescent

'This poem cracked me up. Someone sure is cheeky... I even didn't mind being pictured as a slathering dog.

This poem had a sort of grandstanding, rambunctious feel. Something kept reminding me of Shakespeare - kind of the self-aware, irreverent humour and the meandering language. It could also have been the several references to this contest as a play or spectacle.

They did use the word "you," which I might have expected from the content, but on second reading I don't know if it was intentional or if it just slipped through.

The language isn't overtly poetic, as much as the poems I'm used to seeing. However, there is the sense that it's worded as a poetic drama, which I thought was kind of unique and refreshing.'

'It not only has great humor, it also comes across as a comedian's aside to the audience: the persons being addressed may not be as definitive as the grandmother in poem 1, but the whole idea of addressing the competition is clever and shows thinking outside the page. For fear of finding myself in fevered refusal to be affected by the poet's alliterative fury, I fess up: laughed my aph off. I agree with the protagonist: 'the word is [finally] at peace.' Great effort. And yes, the use of 'you' in line 22 was noted.'

'This poem clearly wins for originality among the three entries. It seems this person was a bit stuck on what to write about, thus this is the result. It adhered to the challenge, in fact it in a way went above and beyond, addressing everyone in the contest - judges, the host, contestants, etc. The punctuation and alliteration may have been a little too much, there was quite a bit of each and at times weighed down the poem; but other than that it's hard to really pick out much to change about this piece. Lots of interesting metaphors, alliterations, emotion, and every little thing a perfect poem would need. Well done!'

-----

Saying Goodbye

'This poem had some interesting images. I especially liked the image of the two people as kites tangled in a tree. I thought that was pretty evocative, and could have worked as a central metaphor for the poem.

I did feel that this poem managed to sneak around the rules by simply using "we" instead of "you." It has the same sort of effect, but without technically breaking the "you" rule. I did feel that the other two poems took on the challenge more directly. Still, this poem shows a high level of skill and a clear style.'

'Interesting morphing of moonlight to broken pottery - from the essence of romance to shattered domesticity. The clarity of image falls short in the next stanzas, with words seemingly chosen for their sounds rather than meaning: why a 'widened willow' or 'scurried lies'? Additionally, the poem seems to lack clarity as to the individual addressed. Of course, it is the other partner in a failed romance, but the target is hardly defined or developed. The poem is about the relationship itself, not the person. This poem starts out with real potential, but still makes an interesting read.'

'I thought it was interesting that 'our' and 'we' were used. I really liked the approach here, since you weren't able to address the person using 'your'. I did like that you not only talked about someone else, but the both of you. I thought this was unique because you are a part of them in the fact that you're obviously connected with a specific relation, whether you be lovers, or family members. I liked that the challenge to me personally was executed well given the rules. I really loved the second stanza, and the thought provoking questions that really brought things together, and also added to the idea of the challenge of addressing someone. I liked the idea of separation between two people being described throughout the poem as a drifting kite or an eclipse - great metaphors! I did find a line I found to be a bit redundant though - 'instead we sweep shards of shattered lunar pieces' - shards and pieces are nearly the same thing, so I'm not sure how well this really works. A lovely poem that may seem simplistic and dull but relates well with the challenge and held it's own poetic touch.'

Congrats all!! :)

Thank you Colm and judges!

Can we post our poems now? :)

Yes, thank you Colm. Very well run and creative challenges.

"They did use the word "you," which I might have expected from the content, but on second reading I don't know if it was intentional or if it just slipped through."

HOLY CRAP I DID. I COMBED AND COMBED BEFORE MY SUBMISSION BUT I ACTUALLY LET IT SLIP.

Sorry, I couldn't do anything but shout about that.

"it is the type that usually catches the poet unaware and virtually writes itself from memory."

Whichever judge wrote this, you had it precisely. I wanted to dedicate a poem to my grandmother who had recently passed away, and I was caught in the tricky position of being too emotional and too close to the content for it to be any good at the time. I submitted a crap original one to Colm, then this one suddenly sprang up and wrote itself.

Yeah, I figured something like that, but I did not guess it was you. I suspected End of Eternity but did not really know.