10 Years

So it's just passed my 10 year mark of using this account - although I've had long breaks between creative spurts so it probably doesn't quite count.

I was looking through my earliest poems on here and inspired myself to rework a poem from 2008.

This is the original:

Hope Is A Wasted Emotion

You can watch the still of the sunset alone,
Waiting, watching, hoping in shades of pink and orange
That someone will break the scenery,
Sit with you, and watch as the day submits to the night.

Always a dreamer, cover it with logic you only half believe
They'll believe you, and they don't care.
But I don't believe you and maybe that's why
I'm sitting here watching the first stars push through, alone.

It's okay, listen you here; some people are born
To live and feel in solitude,
It will all be okay for me,
As long as you don't tell me otherwise.

& this is the reworked version:

Sunset Soliton

Waiting,
swimming,
in soft pastels.
drowning,
hoping,
the stars break through
that dated colour scheme.

the whitest of lights
can be found at midnight;
and i'm spectating
the unravelling
without a shadow.

the cosmos is born
from stillness and solitude.
and in this evening,
so am i.

It was interesting to see how my writing style and perspective of life in general has changed in those 8 years.

So I extend this challenge to the "old" poets out there (new ones are welcome to join in too):
find an old poem and reinvent it.

And please post the original and the reworked version below because I would love to see how other people's writing styles have changed :)

I joined the site in 2011... I would still need five more years to have the ten.

Interesting challenge. I like it. I have to go back and find my old poems in the account I deleted.

This is a great idea! I think I'll try it. I may not post the results though lol. We'll see.

Ditto, though since I've only been here almost nine years I'll take a poem I wrote at least 10 years ago.

Great idea, I originally joined in 07ish, not even sure what my first poem that I posted was. I'll try digging it up and giving it a shot.

I just hit the 10 year mark too!

First ever poem posted = Happy or Sad?

Original

I guess I've been happy,
i know I've been sad.
Everyone smiling,
Everyones glad.

All except one,
That one is me.
If only i could die,
I would be set free.

Everyone may laugh,
Everyone may cry.
But its not every day
That you get to die.

I may be quiet,
I may seem shy.
Just to let you know,
I want to die

I don't know whether,
I'm happy or sad.
Whatever it is,
It's neither good or bad.

Re-invented

I guess I know the feeling of happy,
I I know what it is to be sad.
Everyone around me smiling,
Everyone is looking extremely glad.

All except this lonely one,
That singular person is me.
If only I could end it all and die,
I would love to finally be set free.

Everyone around us may laugh,
Everyone may even spend a minute and cry.
But it's not every day
That you get to release it all and die.

I may come across as quiet,
I may almost seem shy.
But just to let you all know,
I do this so people don't get let in, all I want is to die

I don't seem to always know whether I'm happy or sad.
Whatever it is, it's neither good nor bad.

I have been on this account since 2008 but actually been here on other accounts for around 12 years

Original version:

These Streets Where We Walked

I'm coming back for awhile
To those childhood shops and
The hillside streets where we walked.

My mind returns too often
To the vision of you -- appearing
Unexpected, popping
Out of a doorway as I passed
[A deli, with your Russian Tea;
A classroom, where I shouldn't have been]
-- the recognition -- the shock -- the joy!

How often did we repeat that scene,
So naive, so innocent, so jaded,
I was your cynical optimist,
You were my Catherine Barkley --
A couple of high school ancients.

The very intensity of our bond
Regularly ruptured our reunion.
We seemed always to burn each other out:
Like the love of two flaming moths,
Drawn to each other's light.

Then, exhausted by our love,
We'd draw apart, in dormant
Self-protection, until, unexpected,
We next run into each other's arms,
In these streets where we walked.

The roofs: we explored them one day;
You were getting a dress for a wedding.
Store to store, roof to roof;
I've never shopped a day
That held such magic.

The sight of you emerging
Youthful, enthused, glowing
From Loveman's dressing room
In a wedding dress -- my heart aches.

The opening of the city below us
Minutes later, as we stole to the Dome's Roof
And your eyes' bright hearted delight
At the beauty -- my soul aches.

These streets where we walked
Echo adolescent footsteps now hollow
Like hooves on your silent coffin,
And my life aches.

These streets that we walked continue
To plead for merciful reprieve
When my nightly hauntings you inhabit.

Yes, these streets where we walked
Are lonely, yet filled with the life
That you chose to leave to me alone.

LMC 20 May 1998

Submission date : 2008-02-19

***********************************

New version:

In These Streets Where We Walked (Quatern)

In these hillside streets where we walked
roam the ghosts of who we once were
ancient spirits - youthful dreamers
not long before you were interred.

Joy ran through our souls all the days
in these hillside streets where we walked
the future was not big enough
to hold the plans of which we talked.

Exploring buildings and rooftops
filled our hearts with wonder and hope
in these hillside streets where we walked
we even made plans to elope.

Cynical optimist was I
never knowing that we were stalked
by your past that robbed our future
in these hillside streets where we walked.

A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A quatern has eight syllables per line. Rhyme scheme is optional.

Thank you for the poems guys, I really really enjoyed reading them and seeing how we have all progressed.

Larry, that last poem was incredibly beautiful, particularly "ancient spirits - youthful dreamers"... love!

You guys, your oldest poems are better than my latest poem.

I miss you all, BTW.

THE LOVE I DESIRE 31/08/2009
The love I desire goes like this
He should have hair like the sunset
His lips so red, I have to kiss
His name I would never forget
Rivals would consider a threat
He would declare to me his love
He would never make me upset
He'd be an angel from above.

20/10/2016

He'd have angels wings
and wouldn't think to hurt me
let alone do it.

So bad lol

On this account I have 4 years of waffling

about 2 more on a previous

here is my effort;

Original poem

Hiding behind false sentiment (haiku)
by Darren

A thorny red rose
juxtaposes love and pain
a little prick hurts

...................

and rewritten

Hiding behind false sentiment (haiku or senryu)
by Darren

A thorny red rose
juxtaposes love and pain
those evil barbs tear.

............

Yes! Lovely stuff Darren and Em. Keep 'em coming if you feel like it :)