HM's:
"Empty papers" by: naaz = 10 points
"Betwixt" by: Vince Gullaci = 7 points
"You and me" by: The poet behind the poem = 7 points
"A Mile in My Shoes" by: Scott Cole = 4 points
"A tiny piece of Zen" by: Milly Hayward = 4 points
"Habits" by: Tanya Southey = 4 points
"The Difference Between You and Me" by: Brittany Ottmo = 4 points
"Under the Sun" by: Maple Tree = 4 points
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COMMENTS:
"Empty papers" by: naaz
"The poem starts with: “I am a moonlight lover,?but I do not like my coffee black.”
It seems great that night is compared with coffee, but the moon does not contribute to the darkness if nothing it is like cream in the coffee.
The poetical “Riptides of bad habits” that “have stained the glass of dignity” makes her too weary to escape…the burden of those stained glasses!
The third stanza somehow repeating the poetical prop or cliché s that poets usually use them to design their verses. But there really is not much purpose in them, Like ; “Bless me with the colors of sunshine” Lost in…, let me hear them… and all of those dandy and good things.
In the next stanza, the poet wants to come out of the grief. S/he lets the ashes go in the river. Though the only confession acts as the flow of the river. It will wash, and embrace the burdens you burned.
The interesting thing is that the narrator in this piece uses different addressees, and use them if they are the same. They shapeshift rapidly: My old friends…,” but is it the same friend: “Bless me with the colours of sunshine, Free my mind,”? Actually, it is a little hard to get the head around the fact that all these addresses are the same person.
In the end, the poet asks her friend to search for her in the blank, but the line that she draws do not connect the blank to eternity directly; it only twists in between by somehow putting eternity and blank against each other, not vice versa, and treating them like antitheses. This, of course, would be a categorical mistake.
This poem has traces of genius-ness that yet the poet has not to learn to handle. But you can see if she wants, and discipline her talent she is going really far." (10)
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"Betwixt" by: Vince Gullaci
"While this poem is short, it is one of the few poems that sum up what humanity is because its either sink or swim and this poem was crafted nicely to show what side you can take and what's left to do in the middle grounds. Life is basically what we make of it. We can laugh because there's joy in our lives or we can scream because of the Injustice that there is in this world. But like the poem said, compromise and meet in the middle. Well written and congratulations, you summed up what life is." (7)
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"You and me" by: The poet behind the poem
“ You and me” such simplicity with such a title, but it shows in the content of this piece, how simple someone conveys a message of love for their partner to be.
So lovely to read a personal account of love dedicated to their very special person in their life. This really brought me a beautiful message. The image of such happiness and joy. The author flows their pen with a depth of emotion and such loyalty in their feelings. It is like the ‘honeymoon period’ has continued in their life, and the joy of marrying this person will then go on. I like the simple way this has been constructed, and easy to read and take in.
A true delight to read, and I would like to wish you all the best for your future together. Well done." (7)
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"A Mile in My Shoes" by: Scott Cole
"This poem shows how each of us have our own challenges and roads to walk in life and how those challenges help form the people that we will ultimately become. It also brings up the point that unless you have walked those same often difficult roads you are not in a position to make judgement or understand fully what has brought that person to that juncture. Certainly that old adage don't judge a book by it's cover also comes to play here too. Empathy and walking in another's shoes does make for a more kinder World." (4)
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"A tiny piece of Zen" by: Milly Hayward
"A title that holds the word ‘Zen’ I could feel the calm and tranquillity straight off. I wasn’t disappointed!
The writer paints a scene of serenity and beauty, all the while in a nice rhythmic beat. A picture of a place, that may well be part of their meditation (perhaps?). I felt a calmness as I read through this piece, and I wanted it to go on for a while longer in truth! Also, the writers' affinity with mother nature is without question. The ending was gentle too, although back to the ‘mundane’ there is a sense of feeling relaxed, and grounded.
A lovely and divine piece. Well done." (4)
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"Habits" by: Tanya Southey
"I do love her addictions! Good food, lots of books, lovely music playing, to name a few. Her wants are few and if she can achieve this her life will be complete. Maybe if we all took a page from her book of life we would be happier and more content. Stop, smell the sea air, watch the sun set, feel the wind, read a good book, just enjoy the moment you are in." (4)
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"The Difference Between You and Me" by: Brittany Ottmo
"This poem touches something deep inside of me and makes you want to see the other side of what humans are capable of. Nobody should grow up scared of anything and no one should be hurt as a child, so as a whole we should help each other build each other up to never let anyone tear us down. An emotional poem that is so compounding to read." (4)
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"Under the Sun" by: Maple Tree
"She is still drowning and the “rain drops slowly …” Is she drowning in the wetness of the rains while she is riding against the thunder? Or is she already drowning and the pouring rain, perhaps tears, are devouring the remains?
The trees are mossy. The irony is that the awesome forget-me-not blooms, even, want not to be remembered, they: “refuse
to be born again.”
The visual image of dangling: “dangling memories I'll never live to tell”, is the trademark of Andrea’s works. She sees the memories are dangling, perhaps because they haven’t been tolled, revealed their messages, bare their fruits, and evidently, they would keep on dangling until they reveal all their says. Though here seems it is not the case here and they never would.
This poem is very sad, but the sadness tries to hide behind the nature category.
The sadness reveals itself from the second half. Maple cannot hide it, even in her nature poems, She is still a mother, having her child between her teeth. She runs: “crossed meadows of earthbound tragedies and nothing can stand” in her way.
This is the grief of a lioness queen that her lion-ness has come to its knees, because, love is the most fearsome of all. She sees herself powerlessness; all her strength cannot make an ailment to go away. So she instead, walks the earth by her heart. Because a mother love cannot stand still while the child is at risk." (4)
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