Safe journey

by Kelly tavern

I stand here alone
in front of you all
I stand here while you beat me
beat me with stones

My faith has left
wandered away

will I ever be forgiven for that one dreadful day

in the midst of October
when the rain had fell hard

your body was to rest
in a deep dark nest

we shall cover you in earth
for all it is worth

have a safe journey
and a new rebirth

 

Submission date : 2008-03-29

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Latest comments

DarkSpirit ( F C D ) at 2008-04-03

I don't like this poem, sorry I really don't want to offend you, especially if this came from your heart, but I don't like it at all. Honestly this isn't a type of poems in which I enjoy, I love deeper pieces with more metaphors and this just ain't my taste. I didn't enjoy in this cause you said all too bluntly and obviously, also I think that your forced, unoriginal rhymes just ruined the atmosphere, I think, don't rhyme if you don't have idea for unique rhymes. And you don't have any punctuation which also left bad impression on me.
Keep writing, maybe someone loves this kind of poetry but I not.