Lonely are wolves without a pack
That only rely on strength and pride.
Lonely are children without homes,
They sit in darkness and hide.
^^ only thing here that seemed wrong was the comma in the third line and the fourth lines first word being capitalized. Other than that great intro! it was captivating i pictured a pack of wolves than a sad little boy homeless...i thought it was clever to build up to the more emotional one great job!
Lonely are the men that use women,
For cheap demeaning sex.
Lonely are the women with no morals,
That sell themselves as objects.
^^ok ok i loved this! so you took the concept in the first two lines and rolled it into the third and fourth lines! brilliant : ) i agree with you on both those statements by the way. ((again the comma and capitalized word thingy is there it just keeps getting at me ))
Lonely, don't ask me about lonely.
^^huh...that was very different from the rest of the poem which sort of made me curious why you put it in here ((curiosity is an amazing thing to have the reader feel tthough it keeps us involved and wanting answers))
Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming,
Then suddenly, I realize how alone I am.
I can't explain why things went wrong,
Fate seems to have another plan for me.
^^ fate always has control : / i don't like it either its like you have everything thought through and set than fate intervenes and messes it all up! so mean. great wording here you put down in words what i felt which was great for me to be able to relate to
I've burned down way too many bridges,
Erased paths that I should have followed.
All I wanted was to be her one and only,
The one she would love with all her heart.
^^so many people will read this stanza and be able to relate! personally this is my favorite stanza. It was worded nicely the flow was there and most of all it was unique from other writers way of putting this concept. It was not cliche at all.
And I wish, I wish I were perfect... for her
^^aw....so sad but cute!
the only problems i saw were with grammar and stuff so great job! if you just changed those things i would say its perfect! i can see why it won : ) 5/5 great job !