You say we fight for the red, white and blue,
That our people are this country's foundation,
Like an empty photo album, we've nothing to view,
Slowly becoming three colors rather than a nation.
We stand side by side, we're aligned in formation,
All the while knowing our leader is unprotecting,
Fighting for us, you're not part of our congregation,
That pen in your right hand was built for dissecting.
Don't lie to me George, I fight for your false truth,
Tell me why you had to knock down the towers,
Plucked the seeds of our potential bloom of youth,
To wage wars over something that was never ours.
Preach about battle, but you've never been near one,
Never held your best friend in your arms while he died,
Still you've killed thousands behind a desk with no gun,
Tell us you're proud when you don't know shit about pride.
When my Fiancee is handed her folded flag of glory,
At my funeral after my farewell twenty-one gun salute,
Tell her I died with honor and that her country is sorry,
As we forever bleed, the red, the white and the blue.
This is excellent. You are a master of rhyming poems with four lines per stanza, and this poem was very powerfully written, with fresh, well-chosen rhymes and a ton of emotion. Something to be proud of.
This is truly powerful piece. I think that you should be proud on yourself for writing it, it contains some truly refreshing ideas and you expressed your message on cogent, direct way with a lot of emotions. Whole poem holds atmosphere which is touching. I enjoyed in this read. And I must say you quite impressed me with that ending. I admire that you put this piece into patriotic poems. And I agree with you message. Anyway, creative and powerful piece, well done!
10 years ago
by Tara Kay
Mmm, the war is a terrible thing, the people fighting for there country honour us so much, wherever we come from.
This was good
A bit concerned over the title, at 19 are you now on active duty? If so resign. If not, I just wonder how you can write without a common core of experience( I put in 20 [1966~1987]).
I noticed in my reading that there were places that could be smoothed out making it an easier read. It seems your metre/rhythm are off.
Third stanza, who knocked down "the Towers" and what is "that was never ours"?
Last stanza "salute" and "blue" are not a rhyme.
As always an opinion.