Comments : Obsession

  • 9 years ago

    by Amber

    O Wow that was like pretty powerful to me. And Wow VERY Descriptive.
    That was definatley A really good Poem!

    Good JObbb

  • 9 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    A very strong write, I loved the flow and the rhyming throughout it reminded me a lot of my own style. The last two stanza's were excellent as well as the rest of the poem, but those lines stood out the most to me. None of us can answer these questions now, but we'll all get our chance soon enough. Excellent work 5/5 GG23

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "I need her like the bread of life to make me whole"
    `Okay, this was definatly uniquely said. I had to read it over a few times to make sense of what you said, lol. Wonderfully done. :)

    "Though she is my destiny, in a word, my eminent fate"
    `Eminent. Wow. Great word!

    "My thoughts will be eternally with her, past my own death"
    `Oh wow. So beautiful. You care so much about this person.

    "We just come and go like the seasons in an endless rhyme"
    `Wow. Another awesome simile. I love the way you are wording things. It's so original.

    "We have respected rejected and expected to honor His name"
    `Uncapitolize his. I really love the word-choice thus far though, really outstanding and big words to use but you also make them rhyme which is even more fabulous :)

    "The natural order, or so it seems, is to reap what we have sown"
    `Sewn I believe is spelt with a e. I could be wrong. Maybe it's an o.

    "Will we be laughing or weeping when the reaper comes reaping?
    Will we rise with the grain or remain in the ground just sleeping?"
    `WOW. Two powerful lines! I loved the way you ended the poem, questions. Perfect.

    This poem was just so amazing. I found barely anything wrong with it. Keep it up! 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by CalGirl

    We have rationalized, nationalized and realized it all ends the same
    We have respected rejected and expected to honor His name
    We have obsessed, regressed and confessed that we feel shame
    We have anointed, appointed and disappointed we cast blame

    this is my fav stanza... the rhythm and the flow works really well, especially how you used repetition and vignette. (i think that's how u spell it...)

    really nice and structured, keep it up!!! =]

    ~sophie~

  • 9 years ago

    by Lori

    Wow...this is sooo soo deep. I absolutly loved everything about it. I loved the depth also. It takes a specific amount of talent to write something like this also. I loved the word choice because it was so unique and you are very talented:) I gave a 5! Great write!
    <3Loni

  • 9 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I'm not sure if you have known this but I always have taken an interest in your love poems simply because they hold so much life within them. Like your other love pieces this one definitly holds an impact on the reader.
    I love the effect you have portrayed here by using a contrast of deadly sins with a contrast of holy virtues. It worked well and really caught my interest. Definitly a great way to spark a fire within the mind.

    I loved the natural feel you created over the atmosphere within this poem. You made me feel calm and quite still yet at the same time warmth surrounded me. I've always loved your rhyme, you create such a smoothe flow and it really rolls off the tongue. Great choice of words.

    Only one thing:

    The natural order, or so it seems, is to reap what we have [sown] I always thought it was spelt [sewn] Proberly not but that's just the way I spell it. Sorry if I sound rude in correcting you, I know it would be an honest mistake if you spelt it wrong, but I'm guessing it's probely me who spells it differently.

    Well done on writing a beautiful love piece filled with a touch of life to combine into one magnificant piece of poetry.

    ~Mel

  • 9 years ago

    by Austin

    Have to be honest, there were a quite a few errors.

    In this line: "though she is my destiny, in a word, my eminent fate"

    You used the wrong imminent. And following the phrase "in a word" there was no word. You just used another adjective and subject.

    In this other line:
    "The natural order, or so it seems, is to reap what we have sown"

    You used the wrong word again. Sewn, not "sown."

    A few errors, but I figured you'd rather want honesty than lies. The poem was great minus those few mistakes.

  • 9 years ago

    by Austin

    Actually, I forgot to mention that you could use either "imminent" or "eminent" during that line. They would both make sense, "imminent" works better though.

  • 9 years ago

    by Christopher Hantman

    Great rhythm, word play.
    everything
    not a single thing wrong with this,
    A+ keep up the great work

  • 9 years ago

    by The Queen

    Woah... That was a mind blowing piece with rich of vivid and deep ideas.. The usage of words are perfect and each lines seems to be descriptive with the previous. The words from you were flowing with ease...You have a very rich vocab and in fact it help explore the maximum idea that poem can get..I must admit i loved each and every stanza but this one stood out..

    We have rationalized, nationalized and realized it all ends the same
    We have respected rejected and expected to honor His name
    We have obsessed, regressed and confessed that we feel shame
    We have anointed, appointed and disappointed we cast blame

    I love the repitition or the ryhimg of this stanza..It was a great excellent write...Very beautiful...Good Job..

  • 9 years ago

    by Court

    That's very different from my obsession.......Weird....Micheal...12...OBSESSION.....It's like you know me.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    For what is our life to forever, we are but a vapor in time
    We just come and go like the seasons in an endless rhyme
    Our lives are filled with poetry, but mine is a fair sentence
    Charity covers up a multitude of sins in a world of repentance

    ^^^^I adored this stanza, it has so much wisdom in it.
    I loved the whole poem as well, many beautiful lines and a lovely picture you painted:)

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by Nicko

    Michael i loved this poem of yours, one of the best i've written in ages!

  • 9 years ago

    by Nicko

    Michael i loved this poem of yours, one of the best i've read in ages!

    opps^

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    This is breathtaking