Eternal night

by Obscura   Jun 8, 2009


I look upon the fading sun
the day has died; the night has begun.
As stars become visible
and moon shines bright
illuminating nature with its glowing light.

While the moon holds its sway
a moonlit owl swoops down for its prey.
A swift execution a useless fight
a catch of triumph in this eternal night.

A midnight breeze gracefully
dances through the trees;
bending the branches,
parting their leaves.

Falling to the ground softly,
not one making a sound,
the moon moves past like a lost ship
sailing amidst the clouds.

But the night is betrayed
As the moon starts to fade
The day has come, the world is waking
farewell to the night, forever waiting.

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Martha

    I liked it very much...it is so beautiful, it became my favorite.. I like every stanza because I could imagine and visualize the words you put in it.. :D good job :D

  • 14 years ago

    by Em

    I love the imagery this portrays of the moon and it's living creatures that we never notice because we are all sound asleep. Such a wonderful portrayl of night. Good job, 5/5. Em

  • 14 years ago

    by victoria

    But the night is betrayed
    The whining moon starts to fade
    The day is now dawning, the world is waking
    farewell to the night, forever waiting.

    Idk..i cant explain it. Its like a painting but in words. I love this part..."farewell to the night, forever waiting." I mean...i love the night life and when it goes away u never realize it will re-appear again.idk..i love this poem.

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    '
    I look upon the fading sun
    the day has died the night has begun.'
    `If I were you either.. put a semicolon between died and the OR make them separate lines. Like this...

    I look upon the fading sun
    the day has died; the night has begun.

    OR

    I look upon the fading sun,
    the day has died,
    the night has begun.

    I think the semicolon would be better

    'As stars become visible
    and moon shines bright
    illuminating nature with its glowing light.'
    `So beautiful this is!

    'A midnight breeze gracefully
    dances through the trees
    bending the branches parting with their leaves.
    Falling to the ground softly not once making a sound
    the moon moves past like a ship in the sky
    sailing through the clouds.'
    `This stanza was a bit long and could use some revising. Let me see if I can help you.

    A midnight breeze gracefully
    dances through the trees;
    bending the branches,
    parting their leaves.

    Falling to the ground softly,
    not one making a sound,
    the moon moves past like a ship
    in the sky, sailing amidst the clouds.

    That may work better, two stanzas. I changed through to amidst.. that has equal meaning and will help shorten that last line for you

    Well done with this write though, you have true talent. A great nature poem. Awesome imagery.

    Great work.

  • 14 years ago

    by Love Panda

    Absolutly loved it, from start to finish. My fave lines in the whole poem...

    "the moon moves past like a ship in the sky
    sailing through the clouds."
    &
    "The day has come, the world is waking
    farewell to the night, forever waiting."

    very well done, 5-5.

    Peace & Love
    IBE
    X

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