I gathered my anger
A last hope of inspiration
To release it upon the page
One final attempt at my art
At once fury came to me,
I tore the page apart.

*I like how you broke this down. It looks much better this way and it doesn't mess up the flow. I think this version is much better than the first. You're ideas seem more controlled and easier to understand. You use very vivid words and I like that you varied your syntax as well. This was a very creative piece and one of your best. Keep it up Luke. Nik*

'I walked through nature
Nothing is what I seemed to find,
That is the moment I discovered,
I was spiritually blind.'
`Probably my favorite stanza from you. Walking through nature and nothing can inspire you. Loved spirtually blind, that was unique

'I gathered my anger[,]
A last hope of inspiration[,]
To release it upon the page[.]
One final attempt at my art[,]
At once fury came to me,
I tore the page apart.'
`This part needs a little puncuation I think, Ill put in brackets what I think you should insert

Other than that.. well done! Dead Inspiration, you used the title perfectly

Good job - 5/5

"I've been looking for inspiration,
My mind being dormant
Just doesn't feel sane.
I've got to be free of this,
I have to break these mental chains."

I liked how you wrote "I've got to be free of this, I have to break these mental chains." I could easily imagine this.

"I walked through nature
Nothing is what I seemed to find,
That is the moment I discovered,
I was spiritually blind."

This was my favorite stanza. I liked how you said you were spiritually blind, it's a good metaphor.

"I searched my thoughts
All like looking into a perpetual hole
The memories of my life,
Even the darkest void of my soul."

"I searched my thoughts, all like looking into a perpetual hole" This was a really nice choice of words, the simile fits with the stanza perfectly.

I gathered my anger,
A last hope of inspiration,
To release it upon the page.
One final attempt at my art,
At once fury came to me,
I tore the page apart.

This stanza flowed together really nice, and I could acaully imagine you tearing up a piece of paper.

"I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated."

"Then I observed nothing from my imagination, Was written down and translated." I really like this part, people can relate to it easily. I can't remember how many times I wanted to write a poem, and every single one of my thoughts, I couldn't fine the right words for it.

Great Job, keep writing
5/5
Erna

I liked this poem...a bit choppy at the end and kinda...just droped the first astablished stanza and just poured onto what u really ment...but its cool 5/5

Brava : )

This is a well written piece that I feel most writers
can relate to. The true poets write because they feel the need even when we rest in reason andf move in passion

I know where you are coming from

This was deeply moving. Life can seem so dull and devoid of anything of any interest and value.
But never think such things. For the darkness inside you is disallowing any creativity. It deteriorate's every bit of your energy. Rage fuels the fire for self harm and neglect of one's hygiene and the ability to think straight. It ruins the mind in the long run. It's also like an addiction. For it does give you a feeling of being high. It release Endorphin's and causes a spastic reaction. Fighting is usually one of the results. It gets your blood pumping. And can cause the brain to elapse and crash. You basically do not feel anything beside the rage.
I know because I suffer from anger problems. It's a beautifully written poem. I loved the darkness of it and the feeling of absolute rejection. You feel as if nothing will ever inspire you. But in the littlest of places. Maybe a rock or a piece of cloth. Or maybe something big. The museum of natural art's or the Eiffel Tower. Never fuel the rage. Even when inspiration is found. You may start to rely on the emotion of anger. It's not only dangerous but will consume in the long run.
I loved this piece. Very detailed and it enlisted so many different types of voids.
Bravo.
5/5

-Lilium

"I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated."
This is my favorite stanza. I like it lots. You bring out a great deal of imagery and I admire that about this piece. Keep up the great work. 5/5

Nice write, but I felt it could be more powerful for example take the first stanza:

I've been looking for inspiration,
My mind being dormant
Just doesn't feel sane.
I've got to be free of this,
I have to break these mental chains.

It is good, but I think it could be better and flow a little better as well. So for example I changed it:

Looking for inspiration,
my dormant mind declined
while on the brim of insanity;
I've got to rid this feeling of desolation
I have to break these mental chains.

Overall, it was a good write, keep up the good work.

Peace, Joe

"Looking for inspiration,
my dormant mind declined
while on the brim of insanity;
I've got to rid this feeling of desolation
I have to break these mental chains."

Well-worded, this opening stanza really brought the reader into the piece....

"I walked through nature
Nothing is what I seemed to find,
That is the moment I discovered,
I was spiritually blind."

Wow, you are taking my breath away. I felt this stanza especially to be very unique and so detailed. You really get the reader into this piece.

"I searched my thoughts
All like looking into a perpetual hole
The memories of my life,
Even the darkest void of my soul."

Good rhyming, each line is entrancing and makes me think. Also, I like the simile you used, its different.

"I gathered my anger,
A last hope of inspiration,
To release it upon the page.
One final attempt at my art.
At once fury came to me;
I tore the page apart."

Wonderful imagery portrayed, and you set so much in front of my eyes, I can just imagine all of this. Beautiful work so far not to mention the flow in this stanza, it was so smooth.

"I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated."

I love the ending, you strike the reader with something that many can relate to. Your words were so powerful and deep, they kept me interested. 5/5 from me, keep writing, always and forever...

God Bless You!

~MaryAnne

Wow. Its great. Really it is. I like the irony cause ur writing about not being able to write and this poem is written well. Glad to help. The part i like the most is the vocabublary and the little rhrymes here and ther. Great job. 5/5

Awesome! Love the irony and choice of words. Great job! 5/5

I liked this alot it was a very good write.

What can i actuallt say that could be construde as nice and helpful..nothing. im shocked! you asked so many people for help with this and it doesnt look like you changed anything but a word or two here and there.

^i know thats abit harsh - sorry but thats how i feel about it.

it was an ok poem before and now its abit better.mind losing. structure is good, the lack of rhymes are hidden by the powerful words used at the end of each line.

deffinatly not your best angel.

IBE
X

"I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated."

this is my fav part. I relate to this so much. actually everything about this poem. u r amazing. u captivate every emotion.

Looking for inspiration,
my dormant mind declined
while on the brim of insanity;
I've got to rid this feeling of desolation
I have to break these mental chains.

After reading the first stanza I thought this poem was going to be a NON rhyming poem.
At this point I thought the first stanza was just ok.

I walked through nature
Nothing is what I seemed to find,
That is the moment I discovered,
I was spiritually blind.

This stanza rhymed so I was completely thrown off. I like this stanza alot by the way probably my favorite one.

I searched my thoughts
All like looking into a perpetual hole
The memories of my life,
Even the darkest void of my soul.

Great stanza, it continues the point of your poem and it rhymed well.

I gathered my anger,
A last hope of inspiration,
To release it upon the page.
One final attempt at my art.
At once fury came to me;
I tore the page apart.

I didn't like this stanza because it changed up the flow of the poem so much. I noticed a rhyme in there but it just felt wrong. My suggestion would be to completely remove line two and three so it looks like this.

I gathered my anger,
One final attempt at my art.
At once fury came to me;
I tore the page apart.

much better, cool point, and better flow.

I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated.

I love this stanza, great ending and great poem.

I really like this poem. I think this is pretty powerful. It is full of alot of emotion and you can certainly feel the frustration. I think that you worded this poem very well and it gives it a somewhat sophisticated feel. I think you did a great job.

Well, there are no simple words for this poem. It was amazing from start to finish. It caught hold of me at the second stanza because most poems that are not "rhyming" usually loose sight of the main point of the poem. They are usually just words put together. Your focus was shown throughout the piece. I like how real you were about everything, yet you made it your own version of the reality for instance
"I gathered my anger,
A last hope of inspiration,
To release it upon the page.
One final attempt at my art,
At once fury came to me,
I tore the page apart."
I think many of us have felt this and can relate, but the way you put it in words you make it your own. I haven't read anything good in a very long time. Thank you for writing this. :) deffinately 5/5 Continue to write because you are great at it.

-Hell

It's clear you had plenty of inspiration to help create such an excellent poem. The rhyming was awesome and the images in it flowed like magic.

Looking for inspiration,
my dormant mind declined
while on the brim of insanity;
I've got to rid this feeling of desolation
I have to break these mental chains.
*I can just picture you looking for inspiration and there's none to find and that you're just about to reach sanity and just before you reach it you break free of these chains holding onto you, very powerful opening.*
I walked through nature
Nothing is what I seemed to find,
That is the moment I discovered,
I was spiritually blind.
*WOW, another powerful stanza. I can imagine you walking through the fields and thinking the grass isn't grass, etc. You're words are so unique.*
I searched my thoughts
All like looking into a perpetual hole
The memories of my life,
Even the darkest void of my soul.
*Emotional, powerful and flawless stanza.*
I gathered my anger,
A last hope of inspiration,
To release it upon the page.
One final attempt at my art.
At once fury came to me;
I tore the page apart.
*I love the imagery of you getting so annoyed at writing down your thoughts that you just ripped the page apart because the sheer thinking angered you so much. Powerful.*
I sat down and tried to collect my thoughts
Still craving for something to be created,
Then I observed nothing from my imagination
Was written down and translated.
*Inspiration sometimes come and sometimes it doens't. Enjoyable read. Very powerful and well written. Good job, 5/5. Em*