My heart seems so whole,
with you standing next to me.
But when your away,
My heart starts to seperete.
You have made such an impact on my life,
even though i just met you that night.
i dont know what i'd do if you left me lonely,
because honestly, your my one and only.
I think about you every second of the day,
Your always on my mind, and never close to away.
If you dont love me anymore, all you have to do is say.
Because i dont want you to hate me when im loving you this way.
Im not perfect, and i dont know why you chose me.
There are so many girls that you can lift off there feet.
Im not very pretty and im not very smart.
Im so lucky that your the one holding my heart.
I miss you when your gone, I miss you through the day.
Damnit I miss you when your ten feat away!
How many times do I have to tell you? How many times do I have to say?
I fall more in love with you each and everyday.
Your eyes are blue, Like the skys misty dew.
There so beautiful, I always knew.
You have no idea, the way you make me feal.
Its like im living a dream, that seems to be real.
I love you more than anything else,
Im falling harder than i've ever fell.
These were not my intentions, but I have a confession.
YOUR MY WHOLE HEART, I have no dought in a second.
Your my world, my sea, my everything.
Jace you meen so much to me.
Cant you tell? Im in so deep,
if you break my heart that could kill me indeed.
i cant believe how i feal right now,
i really cant, you see.
you have made my life so much better,
so im gonna love you forever.
you have a way to make me smile,
when i want to cry.
I dont know how you do it,
i think its the beautiful sparkle in your eyes.
you amaze me more and more each day,
I wish I could just hold your hand every second of everyday.
because jace, you take my breath away.
and i hope you know im here to stay.
you already have my heart, you know.
Usually I dont fall so hard, so im confusded and it shows.
you are the man i love, nobodys better than you.
you leave me speechless in everything you do.
You are the one i love, the one i need.
You are my everything.
Your always there for me,
I cant believe you actually love me.
There are so many words I can use to explain how I feal,
But those words could not describe those fealings for real.
you do not understand, you do not know,
I love you so much, please dont let me go.
I want to be the one to hold your hand through the day,
I want you to always be the one that makes everything ok.
I want to be with you forever, but i dont want to scare you away.
B/c if you left me id cry in dying shame.
I cant take being without you,
I am so much in love with you.
How come you dont understand?
This is not what I would of planned.
But you know what? I dont care.
Because you and me, our love is rare.
If I lost you, I swear-
There would be tears everywhere.
This is amazing. The length only proves that you repeat somethings like every stanza or two, and could easily be condensed, but if you left it it would still be ok, just really wordy. Emotion and voice are obviously there and they give way to your tone. There really is no flow in this piece. Somehow, I still enjoyed this a lot, great job
I know I sound trite when I write this but...its truly what I believe...emotion in writing is what people believe...and your emotion was completely thee. I loved it
6 years ago
Very honest! yes.. we all feel the insecurity.. but i think u are unnecessarily worrying too much girl!..from your poem i understand that u still have him. enjoy what u got now. and live in the now. be fully present in the now. and stop worrying!!! u'd be much better off that way. not only for u but for the two of you! :) be happy stay happy! :)
As with the other poem, many puntuation errors, word usage errors(your/you're), spelling errors throughout. These take away from the poem when one attempts to read it. Both the rhyme scheme and the rhythm change within this verse.
You have shown a lot of emotions here & I believe that is the purpose of poetry , to release & to share . In that respect you have done an exelent job . Though the poem is rather long I don't see that as a bad thing ,
I think as you write more you will be able to say more with less words , to let each stanza progress with an evolving message instead of being repetative . I think Kurt said it best in the first comment & I am only wanting to give you a few pointers . It's a very good poem please keep writing for us to enjoy ...Jim