Imperfect Envy

by Spirit   Oct 15, 2010


I had a perfect childhood,
and that's the only way I can justly describe it.
I still have a perfect life,
It's wrapped in hug covered paper,
topped with bows of assurance.
I have a perfect family,
lovingly stern, but surprisingly goofy.
My world is prefect.
Amazingly perfect,

Nauseatingly perfect,
It's a disgusting torment of perfection
Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect
In fact it's so perfect, I hate it.
Where is the danger?
The misgivings?
Where are the mistakes
marked from uncertainty?

I can't write about life lessons when I haven't learned any.
I can't feel complete joy without knowing the stab of utter sorrow.
I have never been afraid of anything, or hurt by anyone,
never confused about any topic, or even rebellious towards ANY situation.
I have NEVER stood up for myself,
because I have never had to.
I'm a little porcelain doll yearning
to break out of this perfect box,
that circumstance put me into.

I want to live my life to the fullest,
not suffocate in this glass tomb.
I want to breath the same carbon polluted air
that the rest of the world gets to live with.
Let me break this porcelain image,
so that I may walk among thorns reality.

* for a contest

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    I had a perfect childhood,
    and that's the only way I can justly describe it.
    I have a perfect life,

    *I'd change this line to "My life is still perfect now" It helps the reader see that yu're no longer a child, but that your life is still perfect even though you're older*

    It's wrapped in hug covered paper,
    top with bows of assurance.

    *Instead of "top" I'd say "topped" or "complete" with bows of assurance.*

    I have a perfect family,
    lovingly stern, but surprisingly goofy.
    My world is prefect.
    Amazingly perfect,

    Nauseatingly perfect,

    *I liked how you jumped from amazingly to nauseatungly. Great contrast*

    A disgusting torment of perfect

    *I think "perfect" should be "perfection"*

    Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect
    In fact it's so perfect, I hate it.

    *Before the next line I would add "Where are the mistakes" to show that you don't want this to be so perfect anymore...saying "where's the thrill is saying your life is boring and that you need excitement.*

    Where's the danger?
    The thrill?
    Where is the uncertainty?

    I can't write about life lessons when I've had none.
    I can't experience pain in an only pleasant life.
    can't feel true joy without knowing real sorrow.

    *I would keep this line but delete the one before it, they are pretty much saying the same thing just in a different way.*

    I have never been afraid, or hurt
    never confused, or even rebellious.
    I have never stood up for myself,
    because I've never had to.
    I'm a little porcelain doll yearning
    to break out of this perfect box,
    that circumstance put me into.

    *Lovedddd this part...lol it was perfect :] *

    I want to live my life to the fullest,
    not suffocate in this glass tomb.
    I want to breath the same carbon polluted air
    that the rest of the world gets to live with.
    Let me break this porcelain image,
    so that I may walk among reality.

    *Again loved this part. Very well written and clever. Powerful diction making this a strong ending. I think you did a good job here. just a few things I thought would make it stronger. Keep up the good work. Nik*