This is such a beautiful piece of poetry..the emotion behind it maybe isn't quite so beautiful..but more painful. I love the line with "pride and fault and righteousness". Beautiful line with so much angst and hurt.

I only have one suggestion, and that would be to put a comma after "overboard" in the 7th line. It seemed like the perfect time for a pause, and it didn't have the natural line break to add the emphasis.

Beautifully done! Nice form :)

I really like how you used a certain style for your poetry. I don't see many people do that. I don't even do that. It limits me. Haha. :]

I'm not much into love poems, but this was very nicely put together. It wasn't one of those teenage "I wanna kill myself" or "I love you so much" type of poems. I can tell there was time put into this, and it turned out lovely. :]

Great job! Cayce

I believe this is a form poem..however how i missed beiing left speechless by your work!
this is fantastic Larry..like all ur poems, your work is fulllll of emotions and images and metaphors that crawl deep deep into the heart of the readers, and the clarity that u master..makes the poems relatabble..

loves it!
five

Well penned and very true. It's crazy how one can spend so much time full of anger, and lose track of the beauty of love. A brilliant piece of poetry.
Take care

This is a very impressive poem

This is great imagery I can see the astronomical tide of passion making waves while it docks!

WoW!! The imagery is just amazing. I can picture sadness, I can picture love, and I can picture pride.

A great Piece !

I think you've done an excellent job with this piece. This critique is meant to fine-tune it a bit.

Since you have stuck with a boat and water theme throughout, I think the title should reflect the theme, for instance, ^Angry Seas^ ^Rough Waters^ or ^Mayday^.

Ire
rising
with the tide
overwhelms me

Nice beginning. I think ^consuming me^ might be a bit more powerful than ^overwhelms me^

tearing words from lips
never should have been heard,
throws love overboard anchored
in pride and fault and righteousness

Very nice.

so as the ebb flows out we're left with
this new problem berthed where love should be docked.

^ebb flows out^ is a bit clumsy, since ebb means an outward flow.

^This new problem^ provides no imagery and does not pack the punch that is needed to set up a strong ending.

Perhaps something like this:

and as the storm abates we are left
with an empty berth where love should be docked

Overall, a very nice take on the form.

K: Thanks for the suggestions. I deliberately used ebb as a significator for ebb tide. Overwhelms evokes being swamped, where consumed has no connection with tidal surges. By the same reasoning, there must be something actually blocking the berth where love should be. Appreciate the comment.

Wow,wish one day am going to drop a piece like this.great work

#claps hands#