Temps,

You know how to draw me into a poem, it's stunning. You incorporate images that have special meanings to me, the stars, blossoms, etc and I know it isn't intentional but it allows for that sweet connection and bond I form with your imagery each time I read. Your poems are a delight to my mind, imagination and especially my soul.

First of all, nice subtle alliteration in 'wistfully weeping' I love when 'w' is used as alliteration, it can form such a lovely flow.

The ending was clever here, you used the word 'rose' to describe something that has ascended, however due to your previous word choice in incorporating parts of flowers, it became an interesting play on words for me especially in comparison to you being 'wilted.' This juxtaposition allowed the read to understand the concept of your poem on different levels. We were made aware previously of the fact two people weren't in line with one and other however it was the ending that allowed me to grasp how it made you feel, the emotion behind it.

Especially fond of the strawberry crescent bouquet, something about that reminded me of hope, however the "wistfully weeping" was like a 'coming back to reality' for me.

The only thing I wasn't sure of, was in the second stanza the flow seemed a little off to me with the 'to mine, as mine curved' I think it was only due to the structure of the poem, if somehow the 'two mine,' was placed on a different line to the 'as mine curved' the flow would be a little easier on the mind and therefore the reader wouldn't have to over-think it, but that's just me and we both know I over-think.

Adore this poem.
-Mel

To me this poem was a deep write. You pulled me in at the start and kept me interested all the way to the end. It was a beautiful write tinged with sadness.

My only critique would be that I felt the poem was a little on the sort side. I have nothing against short poems but I felt when reading this one that the ending came too soon. I feel you could have given this poem a little more

still 5/5 as overall a good poem with a lot of feeling

I think this one turned out well, you did a good job on it. I like the references to palmistry that run throghout, you actually dont see that very often. 'Stargaze' at the beginning sets the tone of desiring and wistfulness that is emphasised in the title of course. I agree largely with Mel, like the alliteration and 'art' sound at the end of the second stanza. Keep thinking about ways to possibly change it so that you dont have the two 'mines.' Keep up the good work!

I would have loved to fo through this poem stanza by stanza but I would have repeated myself too much because all I can say is that you totally took me away with this poem. Your words are simplistic and meaningful. Your throughts are creative and mature with deep meanings in all your lines. Metaphors are strong and give the reader a good idea of what to see and envision.

"while yours never reached
the same depth,
but rather rose while I
wilted."

This had to be the ultimate climax in this poem. Its in the end that we finally realise that someone else is too far away of not as deep in love with us as we are with them. We have to notice this and pick up on it and move on even if that does mean transplanting oneself. You might not be the same as you first were but you will continue to grow and still love.

All in all, I loved the lines in this poem and the way you describe everything with nature. It makes it a very imagery filled packed and emotional ride. Many people can relate to this as they realize their love for someone is not returned nor is it wanted. A rejecting feeling that can hurt deeply. You have descibed all this well and I am impressed with your maturity once again. Great job and keep writing!

I can't believe I haven't commented on this yet, lol.

As you know from before I loved this and thought many pieces here were really unique. I like how you use stargaze, which could mean a multitude of things but instantly I think of lilies (my favorite flower). I like the small alliteration of "wistfully weeping" and thought it gave the perfect kind of feel to the beginning of the poem.

The bit about being never parallel to mine was fantastic, and thought it was such a unique way to state what you were saying here. So much imagery and symbolism here, as in all of your poetry, and it's brilliant.

I love the ending, it's the perfect idea of you always want what you can't have. Beautifully written, very wistful ;)

Love this piece, a real deep poem with strong affection.

Your word choice was pinned perfectly and the flow was captivating.

Excellent work

5/5

"I stargaze as"

This draws me for so many reasons, it is so simple to say "I" and then the verb....but the idea of stargazing opens up to those memories of something you can never forget maybe.

"a strawberry crescent bouquet
blossoms within my palm
wistfully weeping,"

I like the odd sort of imagery here of those three words "strawberry crescent bouquet"...it just bursts with opportunity of springs and eternal beauty/ something else too.....that something will always blossom no matter that doubt, or whatever ashes you hold.

Great alliteration, it brings sadness to the mouth when speaking. The flow is calming here, but the "wistfully weeping" gives me a sense that sweetness cannot last forever, that there might be something crooked you find that deepens sadness.

"for your love was never parallel
to mine, as mine curved
between petals from root
to stem, stumbling -
'til I gave my heart
to you artlessly,"

You give your heart out here....the strength here as you root out the truth of your love, what it truly was, that you couldn't say how perfect and straight it was between you, something curved and not altogether how you wished it to be.

"while yours never reached
the same depth,
but rather rose while I
wilted."

Tragic ending but you hold onto that truth, you gave everything, all the emotions swelling and every color in your heart......
that last line seems like you never faced life together, like couldn't connect in those ways and you continue to grow weary while he moves on, leaving...

Thoughtful piece, created so brilliantly well dear.
God's blessings and angels!

~MaryAnne

I have never felt so touched by a short poem in the way that I am with this one. Everything is perfect about it; the length and the power of your words- adds the perfect affect to the poem. Well done!! :) nd thx for the read

Temps, Temps, Temps, you know how superb and refined I found this piece of art! if I were here when you wrote this, it would be my first nomination of the week. For I was so touched by the awesomeness of each line you penned. I incredibly love how you put "stargaze" at first, as if you yearn for something in the past or so, right? and then I felt the longings, wistfulness and the plenty of melancholy when I continued reading. the referrings to palmistry were by all means brilliant and they painted such a perfect image, the metphor about love when you said "strawberry" was as soft and amazing as you are :)

"for your love was never parallel
to mine, as mine curved
between petals from root
to stem, stumbling -
'til I gave my heart
to you artlessly,"

-that is so in depth, and I really can relate to this part, you are comparing his love with yours, and how your love was true. Grief and gloom are obviously well-written. I adore the insertion of "artlessly", you mean to say you were simple and artless? Temps, you are really wonderful. :)

-the ending was such a heartbreaking perfect one! his love wasn't true and profound as yours was, and he went on his way while you were yearning and wilting... undescribable. :) creative piece, my friend. keep writing.