Comments : Destiny Stretches Her Distance

  • 6 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Nice Meena. I found myself stopping after each 2 lines to enjoy the images yours words drew for me. Well done.

  • 6 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Meena this was enchanting and romantic. Reading it was like riding on a magic carpet of words, changing the view around us to a mystical wonderful place of longing

  • 6 years ago

    by Cinnamonspice

    I really loved what you captured in this poem. The images were dreamy . I loved every line

    Connie

  • 6 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    Meena:
    This one is a class by itself! Not simply enchanting or beautiful or an ordinary love poem. You have woven love, desire, passion in a seductive and captivating way using the heavenly bodies, I will say it is exquisite. The surreal simile's and metaphors in a love poem make it a real pleasure to read. I have to say, you are one of the few PnQ poets who can wrap all of the phrases in a supernatural scenery, to give a taste of celestial love in a romantic poem, and yet keep such modesty and subtlety, to keep the reader enraptured in an unearthly imagery.

  • 6 years ago

    by Exostosis

    I agree with everyone. This piece is exquisite.

    Among the stars on the sapphire sky we live together
    yet far away from your sweltering touch I am Jupiter.

    ^ The author describes the stars, like shimmering diamonds, fixated onto alluring blue sky where he/she has taken a refuge.

    Yet the author mentions him/herself as Jupiter, which indicates there is a distance between the two lovers.

    Being a little technical if I may, Jupiter is a planet made up entirely of gases, thus the author cannot be touched in a concrete manner but only his/her presence can be felt. One cannot actually hold gas within his/her palms. So that is a good point by the author.

    Standing behind those clouds can you see your Venus
    like a scorching desert I burn for love, I burn for us.

    ^ Here the author asks, whether Venus is visible through the clouds, or perhaps not.

    And the author burning like a scorching desert is a commendable reference.

    Again being technical, Mentioning Venus and a scorching desert is an excellent choice, because Venus is the hottest planet in our solar system, which mirrors the torment of the author.

    The author mentioning Venus through the clouds is because Venus is the morning star and the evening star, it appears the brightest during the twilight.

    Grand you look with captivating colors and gossamer ring,
    how I yearn to be the one queen for you oh mighty king.

    ^ Gossamer is one of the rings of Jupiter, which displays the authors ability to form context, for the rings of a planet surround the planet but dont merge into the planet, which in turn means that the lover of the author is like the ring, close to the Jupiter thus the author, but he/she can never touch the author, which is indeed heart wrenching, more like a cosmological love tragedy.

    Gossamer is also a very light, sheer, gauze-like fabric, popular for decorations, which the author could picture her king wearing in the form of a robe or something similar.

    Or the Gossamer ring could actually mean an actual Gossamer ring. Word play musnt be too transparent anyways.

    The rest of the stanza describes how the author would like to be a queen besides her King. The author here is revealed to be of female gender.

    Holding me in your arms I want to ride on your windstorm
    as we revolve in passion around planets both cold and warm.

    ^ This stanza is pretty much self explained, nothing too complex to interpret, so I will not elaborate further.

    Alas destiny stretches her distance leaving me in a desolate spot
    and positions you on a potent throne of the Great Red spot.

    ^ This stanza explains how the author has been separated from her lover by the hands of time, fate, destiny, etc. The author is tossed away onto a barren/empty/deserted place, while her lover onto the Great red spot.

    Correct me if I misinterpret but,

    Great red spot - is a persistent anticyclonic storm, 22 degrees south of Jupiter's equator, which has lasted for at least 181 years and possibly longer than 346 years.

    Which means her lover is tossed onto a hazardous place.

    Will your gaze ever fall on Venus, fill the hollow space in me
    so you and I can swirl in a mist of romance for all to see.

    ^ Will the lover ever look up towards the bright Venus, thus the author?. .and eventually fill the cavity/void within the author?. .So that the couple could enjoy the subtle romance and be the envy of others.

    Very well written Meena =)

  • 6 years ago

    by anand singh

    Reading such captivating and romantic words make me realize all that i've missed coming to this site.
    Your poem has warmth, romance and captivating verses that draws the reader in.Well done Meena.
    A very enjoyable read.
    Paul Anand Singh.

  • 6 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Very beautiful and elegant poem Meena- very worthy of a win I would think. Good luck :)
    Lostlove

  • 6 years ago

    by Karla

    Magical as everything you write Meena.Always a pleasure to read your pieces.

  • 6 years ago

    by Paul Gondwe

    Truly deserved to win..brilliant writing Meena.

  • 5 years ago

    by NightFlyer

    Really like this one with you as the feminine Venus and one you desire as the masculine Jupiter, very clever! The planets were named in antiquity for major Roman gods, and they were described as having many human emotions. So your poem also has a very mythological aura about it. Jupiter was the ruler of the gods while Venus was the goddess of love.

  • 5 years ago

    by ronel mccarthy

    Beautiful

  • 5 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    Exquisite Write Meena, Enjoyed!!!

  • 5 years ago

    by A lonely soul

    This poem has a unearthly appeal, to the romantically inclined. To compare one's love to the planets, the sun and the moon is always so very exquisite in the language of love. The poet has used, Jupiter and Venus here, and perhaps also the Sun. I have to sigh, jealously hold my heart and utter my ooohs, and aaahs, when someone describes the vivid imagery of love set in the ethereal world. I wish, I only wish, (and bet you all do too!)....that I can have something like this in my dry life! The interpretation was somewhat difficult when the poet switches from being Jupiter in the first stanza to being Venus in the last, but then one has to keep with the flow that love can assume any form, to please the lover. The metaphorical depiction of love using the celestial bodies is what makes this poem stand out. There is not one stanza which is better than another. Each one is passionate, some more than others. But the two best for me were:
    Grand you look with captivating colors and gossamer ring,
    how I yearn to be the one queen for you oh mighty king.
    Holding me in your arms I want to ride on your windstorm
    as we revolve in passion around planets both cold and warm.

    So in my opinion, Meena has written a definite masterpiece here, for those who can take their love for each other to an empyrean level, something out of this world.

    (Judging comment 12-4-11)

  • 4 years ago

    by Gabriel

    This is a very creative romance/fantasy poem, very imaginative with lots of imagery.