Thoughts roam around
The corners of my mind,
'tween sleeplessness and moonlit nights.
I, wishing to dream, fight the power of
Ever triumphant, sepia-soaked
Nightmares, believing in
Shadows that stay
Rictameter is a scheme similar to Cinquain. Starting your first line with a two syllable word, you then
consecutively increase the number of syllables per line by two. i.e. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 Then down again,
8, 6, 4, 2 Making the final line the same two syllable word you began with.
I usually read Cinquain's and feel like the author had to find a way to "shove" the word to be repeated in the ending, but you worked it in effortlessly. This is a hard form to do and have the kind of flow you have here.
I really like "'tween sleeplessness and moonlit nights." <--- this line the best. It was very beautifully written.
5 years ago
I love the part about sepia-Soaked nightmares... That sets a cool image. When I think about it... Everything is in sepia and the scenes of old movies jump to my mind so yeah, it's a cool way of describing nightmares.
I counted the syllables and they are right, I was just wondering if the capital letters in each line should be like that. And I am guessing, they are.
Aside from that, this was pretty cool. I prefer not to dream but I prefer dreams instead of nightmares.
Ahhhh! Nema! I love this form, haven't read it in a while! I love that you used "cosmic" to describe your thoughts, and it wasn't intended to be a nature piece, even though you incorporated nature into it.
My favorite line was "sepia- soaked nightmares"...all I could picture was me dreaming, in sepia color, and I could feel me almost running, scared.
Wow, I love this poem! I love this structure, it definitely looks hard! And I love how the poem isn't forced at all, it just seems perfectly written.
The title caught my eye, and I really love the content. It had a lot of meaning, and I'm sure that must've been hard with this form. I love the idea of trying to sleep, but thoughts keeping you up, and how you wish to have nice dreams, but instead there are nightmares that haunt you... I think we can all relate to this poem, I for one have had many sleepless nights.
I love it.. this is an amazing poem. I have to try this structure sometime!
5 years ago
by One Man Clan
This isn't easy to do
and you've done a beautiful job with your descriptions
I'm glad to stumble upon your work and would love to read more by you
5/5 never the less.