A forbidden love[Rictameter]

by Amreen   Sep 15, 2012


Her life
gifted her pain,
repentance and sorrow,
her parents killed her innocence
to show the evils of gender-bias
invading their society,
she hence learned that a girl's
worth no love in
her life.

[Rictameter is a poetic form which starts with 2 syllables on the first line progressing upto 9 lines with syllables on each line incrementing by 2 and the last line i.e. the 9th line has the same 2 syllables word which commenced the poem.]

A small brief about this poem: In earlier days, girls of many sects in India were being killed at infant stage or if they sustain, they were brutally tortured as boys are to take the legacy of the family forward.. Girls were not given just any right and considered as a curse. Though, India has grown now, with this thought to grow old as well, it still prevails in some small sects due to illiteracy...

[ Written for a club challenge by Darren]

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  • 5 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    I love how you talk about prevailing topics in the societies. Such an honest portrayal with a deep message. These practices are also rampant in Africa in the midieval times. Such acts are now extinct but still do prevail in remote rural precints.

    In my country, Nigeria, it was common in the Southern and Western regions. Where before the advent of Christianity, such were practised. They bury, the female child immediately after birth. With the arrival of the Christian missionaries, the barbaric act was stopped gradually. The North-Eastern regions was bereft of such illegal acts, due to the strength of the Islamic religion on its people.

    I believe with more awareness and preaching, it'll be extinct. However, lots of idol worshippers and traditionalist still conform to their fetish ways. A great write. Keep it up!

  • 5 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Another deep poem with a strong message behind it. I am not very good at writing certain type of poems, I usually just write to write but you were easily able to have this poem flow. Made me sad and feel the pain within it, mainly after reading what it is about.

  • 5 years ago

    by Cheyenne

    Nice style of poem,
    and a such a good use of such a sad topic :)

  • Again, this is an incredible write.

    The emotion.
    This is so, so strong throughout. Those first two lines grab hold of the reader and don't let go. Being such a short poem does not hinder it's emotion one bit - it's as powerful and impactful as ever.

    The message.
    Again another good message. People should be aware of this, even if it is dying out slowly. It's a form of sexism and it's really rather sad.

    The form.
    I like this form. It's short but to the point. It doesn't waste time on describing something horrible, it just tells readers what it is, and what they should know. This was a good choice.

    Word choice/arrangement.
    Brilliant/Flawless. Enough said.

    The title.
    Ok, the title works, but personally I'm not all that much a fan of it. I like the fact that it draws people in, but I think that it could be perhaps more specific to the content. As it is, it seems to appear as a sad love story rather than something much much more important and needing to be heard. I'm sorry but I don't have any suggestions at present.

    Overall;
    This is another faultless poem. I cannot critique it, for there is nothing for me to critique. Which is fantastic. Overall, this piece is a truly incredible piece. I like the length, it really works and I love the message and content.

    Well penned. 5/5

  • 5 years ago

    by Vanesa

    I love this! Honesty, this is probally one of the best rictameters ive ever read, and such a great topic to write so little on, and make the readers feel so much!