You pick these controversial topics, and turn them into something poetic, heartbreaking, and thought-provoking.
But cruel winds of
despair and darkness tear their
wings of innocence.
^This is where the crippling begins, and where I felt the most pain in these poor little souls. I love this wording. Love, love, love.
They make young birds toil
to slavery and prison
their fresh thoughts;to die.
Punctuation error. There needs to be a space between the semicolon and 'to'. Beside that, this makes me think of Maya Angelou "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings". The wording of this, evokes that title to me. The poor kids being trapped inside with their little minds being ruined.
This is so so emotive of gloom and a forte to speak for the voiceless. Such a delicate topic you dealt on. I love the metaphors you created. Elegant and gave the poem life. Its always beautiful to convey thoughts with a nature theme. It highlights a sense of realism to the whole piece. Its so sad that people engage minors in such dangerous practices. It causes a negative outlook on their personality and stirs fear of the unknown in them.
Private organisations and government sectors are trying their best to curb such inhumane acts invariably. However, it seems with all the efforts put in, alot are still going on behind drawn curtains. I believe victims of such catastrophic engagements, can be engaged in theraphy to help them overcome and live a normal life. The mental state will be degenerative of any optimism. I hope people that know about such perpetrators and actions can be reported to the human welfare and child care rights centres.
A different topic and well thought out. Lovely work! :) ..
6 years ago
by Formidable Muse
This is so deep and emotional. Such a beautiful write.
I did find some minor errors with the 5,7,5 count, but the poem over all was extremely powerful.
5/5 from me.