Today, I went out.
I took a bath, with lavender and oils, I
washed my hair and scrubbed my heels.
I counted drops falling on my toes.
I made my mascara extra thick, and braided
my hair long, and wore shoes unmarred
by salt and snow.
Today I went out and saw nobody
but a cackling woman in
tiger skin pants and snow boots,
who wrapped a winter scarf
around her hat and shuffled
across the tile, arranging
meticulously all the two
year old magazines at
Today I went out and didn't speak.
There were three conversations I didn't join
in. There were four strangers
whose eyes I didn't meet. I scraped
off my car and warmed it up
and didn't drive it anywhere.
Today I made dinner, and
didn't taste it. I threw out
the spoiled blueberries. I folded
clothes then walked on them. I
paused the television and
watched frozen expressions
until they went dark.
Today I wrote a poem
that didn't rhyme, that
didn't spark, that was
quieter than if it
hadn't existed at all.
I am breathless after reading this. It's a bit abstract yet so unique that I am pulled in, scene after scene. To me, it's almost like I am seeing the different sides of this character,
explaining what went on in the day but doing more than that- paying attention the details, the things that you see and feel on your skin others may not. I felt like I was watching a story be unraveled piece by piece, each a reflection, methodically going through a list of what was done, but noticing the lack of interaction, excitement, energy, desire....I admired how the poet portrayed quirky little things that added up and made this piece even more captivating, it adds to the lonely state this character is in, even if she doesn't realize it herself. The ending was stunning. It really hit me when the poet wrote "that was quieter than if it hadn't existed at all"...that shows to me this methodical routine from this stoic person that people may not even know really exists as a person. Brilliant title, it was intriguing to me that endothermic means characterized by absorption of heat, to me that meant that this person believes that this introverted person has become immune to heat, nothing can produce heat or energy anymore and all the causes of it are kept inside, hidden. Wonderful work!
Interesting title to begin with, but I didn't get the second half of it. Why Endothermic?
Now the poem itself, I find the amount of details added to it is perfect. You gave the reader a sense of who you are and of how the surrounding are to you. To others those things you did were half done, like you were getting ready to go out then when you did you never spoke to no one. Then you went ahead and made dinner but you never wanted to taste what's it like. I like the kind of contradictory ideas and action you had, gave the piece a lot of originality. And the part where you mentioned the TV
"I paused the television and
watched frozen expressions
until they went dark.
There was something about those frozen expressions that made me think so deep about this poem, hence, this was my favorite line.
And you ended it perfectly, just so quietly, but what you don't know that this poem actually spoke beyond its written words. The emotional part that drove this piece was strong enough for anyone to feel it.
"This poem didn't tell me the story of an introvert, it SHOWED me the story of an introvert, something I found compelling to say the least. I thoroughly enjoyed the crisp details within every image, in my opinion slightly alluding to the personality of the persona: the way she's more likely to observe others rather than interact with them. I must say that I thought the first two stanzas to be rather stiff at first glance, but upon further reading I grew fond of the everyday scenery and the way they could confirm so much of the persona's loneliness. The last three stanzas made it for me, though. Such predictable behaviour for an introvert yet the writer made it especially sad, for loneliness seems to ooze within every image. I must also note that the line "I / paused the television and / watched frozen expressions / until they went dark." was cleverly written, adding some heartfelt spice to the overal atmosphere. All in all, a well-constructed poem, with effective repetition of the word "today", making the described situations sound almost mechanical/routine-like, as if the persona has even become numb to her own introversion-induced sadness. For sure worthy of its 10 points, glad this poem came into existence with such spark."
[Weekly Contest 18-02-2013]
5 years ago
Only you could write a poem of a journal entry/day log and make it this good.
I especially like the part about making dinner and not tasting it, then throwing out spoiled blueberries. I don't know why.. it seems semi-insignificant, but then again, the whole poem screams that. Someone withdrawn, unkempt and going through the motions... only, not.