...And when he took his first steps,
her eyes reflected the cluster of mirth
evolving within her soul;
like a sprouting seed on a barren planet.
He progressed towards her gravity of care,
while she reached out
to distance any stumble by his weak feet;
and within her loving hug, confined him-
the galaxy of her life.
Ohhh...so sweet and adorable. I could see a baby taking his/her first steps and the joy that blooms within a mother's heart as the child comes into her arms..priceless..loved this!
5 years ago
This is a truly beautiful piece of writing. Here is just what I think.
The first thing I noticed like everyone else is the imagery. It truly is beautiful. The first lines might mean when he took his first steps into love. Love is a very difficult thing to step into. I love the word mirth used here as when she sees him her eyes and heart fill with great joy or bliss. The barren planet I like as well because you show I think how new love is to both of them. I love the space feel. :)
You show the space as a whole. He is too new to love so she is the one who holds him close. The embrace isthe most loving thing. You show how much love they both have to give. The last line is perfect because she wants to give him her whole life. I love the build up you bring the reader is not sure what will happen and then the ending comes and the love story has a happily ever after. 5/5