I could unveil a thousand magnificent sights,
all wrapped up in one sky,
yet would I care?
Would I argue with my many voices
until light is defeated and I cannot
listen to travelers dreaming?
Lately, everyone has been present
in my dreams except for me...
I feel like I've been driving on U.S. 30
for weeks, a passenger who needs
emergency vehicles to have her recall
that the steering wheel is attached
to her hands.
I have been vacant in life's awe,
anxious before any star begins.
Will I soon burn out?
Do I only visualize the end?
Jesus, bring me peace
for you are Peace that grants
relief when I'm caught between
asteroids and meteors and
I like the specificity you've used (U.S. 30, especially) and there are so many excellent turns of phrase in this piece... I'll highlight a few:
"I could unveil a thousand magnificent sights,
all wrapped up in one sky,"
Gorgeous thought that things are wrapped in the sky.
"Lately, everyone has been present
in my dreams except for me..."
This is sad, and true, and magnificent. I always appreciate when a poet can just say something, something real and unadorned but meaningful. This is exactly that.
I think the more times I read this the more I understand where you're coming from. It seems to me that you're stuck between real life and being overwhelmed with the reality of space, of existence, of creation. This is how I interpret it, anyway. It's a complicated thought, and a hard one to put into words. You've done a good job, though I think this piece could use some revising. You say so much (and a lot of it is beautiful) but I think if you could try to make every line count individually... if every line hit the reader and expressed that feeling the way that second line I highlighted did, I think this piece could be improved.