Great parallelism with "until my songs... until you wish, etc"
I also like your ending line for each stanza as I feel lit wraps that stanza in security and gives peace toe the reader. That desire to be purely with this love, devoted to it in song, safe in each others' arms, is lovely. The second stanza of having those songs envelop this person, become their sea, brings such grace and depth to this piece. Also, with the last stanza, I imagine someone finally being accepted by and in love.
This reminds me of something that one could read to a love or something you'd read on a porch at twilight, don't know why I thought of that!
I'm glad you came back to this poem, Luce. The structure is excellent and the rhyme scheme draws the reader into the poem.
I like the symmetry of transformation also: girl to bird by your wish, bird to sea by the wave of your song, sea to bird by his wish, bird to woman by mutual desire. Very sophisticated in the development as well as the motive force behind each transformation.
This is one of the most precious nature poems written on this website, at least as far as I read. I am blown away with the expressions you came up with.
The structure and coherence all combined with such a breath of deep poetry is more than appreciated !
I loved your tone as much as I loved the flow.
Everything, every word, every image and every repetition was nailed.
I believe it's a perfect piece, one full package.
the until until until and and and and, the persistence and passion just made me smile like an idiot.
This nature poem has it all. The peace, the love, warmth, deep feelings and the freedom to spread one's wings and fly, in this case to let your pen loose to nature's beauty. A heart warming read...a song!
I really, really like this. The use of repitition, the interesting rhyming style, the story hidden in it. It's something that demands to be read aloud to be appreciated to its fullest extent, and those are my personal favorite kind of poems.
Out of the 260 views on this, I think I'm at least 50 of those. Every time I log on I have to read this. It's just so...mesmerizing? It gives off such a strong yearning feeling. I can't explain it. there are very few poems that make me feel some kind of way and this is definitely one of the top. I can almost hear it being sung, too. I absolutely love the repetition, not just the "untils", but other lines throughout that you repeat a couple of times. The rhyming, structure and flow are just impeccable. This is going in my favorites.
This is such an uplifting poem bursting with beautiful scenes, and also a lovely rhythm with the words which makes it such a joy to read over and over. The author has captured a beautiful scene, and expressed it to us in these words. Fantastic write for Everlasting this week.
3 years ago
by Ben Pickard
"And in a cuddle flee to warmer lands" -
Lovely line. Beautiful poem.