Never can find the right words to say

I'll just try to explain how I feel the best way that I can.
Honestly though, this is something I myself don't even understand.
Each time I go to tell you how truly special you are to me,
The words never seem to come out right every time that I try.
Maybe it's just because there honestly are no words to describe how I feel about you inside.
The thought of you losing you is too much to bear and something my mind just can't comprehend.
Already lost enough people in my life that I loved.
Don't think that my heart can withstand going through that kind of pain again.
You told me you wouldn't leave, and you've stayed true to your word.
So why am I still terrified that your gonna leave? 
Guess my abandonment issues have gotten the best of me.
Can't help but worry that I'm gonna push you away by something that I say or do, and it scares me to death.
Holding onto you for dear life because you mean everything to me; and I would be devastated if you ever left.
One thing I can say that I know I did right in my life was becoming friends with you.
I'd give my life for you without question, and to help you, there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do.
Never told anyone this before, but my whole life I've felt like an outcast, like I didn't fit in anywhere at all.
But whenever I talk to you those feelings go away and I feel that I do have a purpose, even if it's just to be there to answer the phone when you call.
Always felt unwanted, especially after my aunt told me that I should have been the one that died instead of my mom.
Unwanted from the very beginning, since I was adopted, so its obvious my birth mother wanted me gone.
But after we started talking again, for the first time in my life, I actually felt that I belonged.
No one in my life has ever had a positive effect on me the way that you do.
That's one of the reasons why I know that you're the angel God has sent to watch over me.
Even after everyone including my dad lost all hope in me, you still believe.