Forgive me for my hunger
that lead me to stare into the abyss
in hope that it would gaze back at me;
Forgive me for wearing a mirror on my face
and letting the fury and shame
consume me, turning my eyes red
like the blood-stained moon
in our midnight sky.
Forgive me for resenting mercy
and burning down the bridges and temples
where the crosses that my kindness
was nailed to and forsaken, once stood.
In the end, I too was seduced
by the bloodlust hidden inside the light
that hypocrites and prophets worship;
the light that traces the shadows
of all the evil in the hearts of men
by preaching righteousness
to justify their flames.
I cannot forgive myself for being so weak
that I could not protect that which I truly cherish.
Vengeance has become my resolve,
and my purpose, my love made manifest:
I saw her falling star in the depths of night,
and she entered my soul to teach me
the meaning behind her name, Dawn.
She showed me that the light burns those
who do not fear it, those who do not reject it,
because even Angels are but slave puppets
to the narcissistic tyrants and kings;
I will not bend before them,
I will let Dawn guide my path
to the liberty that wisdom gives,
and she will protect me in your place
as I now resent and defy the Heavens.
For the darkness in my soul
has had its shadows traced
on the surface of my skin,
and in my bloodshot eyes;
And as I embrace the fury and grief
as a part of my purpose,
the Bloodmoon stares at me
as I stare back at him,
because I'm not the only one
with eyes turned red from rage;
Jehova, the Lord of Heaven and Abyss,
has fury in his eye as well.
But I will not look away,
for the Bloodmoon may be
the eye of the divine;
I am an Anguished One,
and my mind is illuminated
by the bloodlust of God
and the shadows within me
where Dawn tells me to stand
For half of my soul is already buried,
so this time I cannot lose again.
I will not bend, I will not break,
even without a bulwark guarding my peace;
I will not bow before the tyrant
that stares at me
with his crimson eye.
Thank you dear. It's funny, this is actually the third poem I wrote in this series. I had finished 80% of the original second poem while struggling to stay awake. I had been awake for 48 hours, and it was 7 AM, and I wanted to finish writing the poem before finally going to bed. But the sleeping medications started working too soon, so I ended up passing out in my chair and somehow managed to close down the windows where I was writing it, losing all that I had written.
And I even forgot almost all of the actual stanzas, the metaphors and similes, the word choices, etc. Only the core remained, so I had to rewrite it from scratch. The worst part is that I know that at least 15 lines in the original second poem were even better than anything I managed to write here, but I can't remember exactly what I wrote! It's so frustrating!
But I am happy with the end-result of this piece anyway. But the hardest part comes now - writing an ending to it. Finishing this storyline, the story that is non-fictional truths written in fictional worlds. The meaning is very esoteric, but surprisingly honest.
It's deeply connected with my own life, my own emotions, my own reality. But as you can tell, it's also related to the novel I'm planning, as I wrote to you in the PM. So what do I want to accomplish with the climax of these three poems? We'll see. I'm not sure yet.
But I do know that my goal is to perfect my own style of writing, to master telling multiple stories within a single narrative, to be specific yet open to interpretations. This piece has at a minimum of three different lines of possible interpretations depending on how you choose to read it. That is something I aspire to perfect and use more and more. I hope that I have succeeded at it from the POV of you readers. :>