Comments : Pretending (The Florette)

  • 1 year ago

    by Everlasting

    AND you posted a new poem!
    I'm excited. hurray!

    The only line that sounds odd is this one:

    'til there is no more make believe,

    'till there's no more make me believe, perhaps? would sound better?

    other than that this piece sounds kind of cheerful?

    • 1 year ago

      by Sylvia

      It is sort of cheerful since the person is looking forward to no more making belief that a relationship exists. Will have to look at the line. If a word is added the syllable count for the for is off. I will see if there is another way to say it. (I have another almost ready to post and am going to work on the other 20 or so I have started and never finished. LOL)

  • 1 year ago

    by Meena Krish

    WOW Sylvia finally you posted a new poem and I liked it and that too a form one I like it even more!!!! You have done well with the form and adhered to its rule. I liked the flow and nothing seemed forced...just perfect. Well penned!!

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Sylvia

    Lovely to see you posting new work. Being someone who posts 1000 poems a week, I simply can't comprehend those who post once every blue moon, lol!
    Anyway, a lovely piece of writing with a sad undertone throughout.

    Take care and all the best,
    Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by The Po whet

    Nice to see you write again Sylvia,lovely write.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Sylvia, this is excellent.

    The feel throughout may be a little sad because they are pretending to love but then this person is hoping probably beyond all hope that her/his dreams of having this person will come true.

    Take me in your arms, hold me tight,
    let's play pretend just for tonight.
    Our love is real, it can't miss.
    Forever in a state of bliss, it feels so right.
    ^^
    Though the love may be real I feel they aren't allowed to show it which is why they pretend tonight. Pretend that they are together, pretend they are able to love one another wholeheartedly. It seems abit like
    Romeo and Juliet, somehow.

    Having faith that dreams can come true,
    this rendezvous will see us through,
    'til there is no more make believe,
    no need for us to ever leave, or say adieu.
    ^^
    Love this part because they don't want make belief anymore, they want each other in all honesty without having to pretend its only for a night. They want it all and don't we all? Lol

    Lovely write, Em

  • 1 year ago

    by cassie hughes

    What a wonderful little piece and you managed to stick to this difficult form nicely.
    I love how on first glance it seems sad yet in reality it is full of hope.
    Well written. :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    How lovely is this?! :-)
    A beautiful poem Sylvia... I love the form and the sentiments expressed.

    Can"t wait for another poem of yours now! :))

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Sylvia,

    I like the minds image of this form which is new to me. The way the petals interconnect it poetic in many ways.

    A new love poem, or perhaps a rekindled love, a dialogue of the first tentative steps. Steps that are fearful of being trodden on. It comes down to faith and whether believing in love and its possibility is enough to take the plunge.

    I like the concept of 'faking it 'til you make it' if we pretend long enough it will feel real and then there will be no need to fake it or say goodbye ever again.

    A lovely write Sylvia.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    What a beautifully written poem. Such a neat style. I really like the way you described it as a outgrowing small flower. I love the context and everything about it.

  • 8 months ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Sylvia,
    this poem was short but meaningful. ..I love the form and your choice of words very catchy and relatable. ..

    Take me in your arms, hold me tight,
    let's play pretend just for tonight.
    Our love is real, it can't miss.
    Forever in a state of bliss, it feels so right.
    ^^^^
    this is me right now I can relate to this. ..
    "take me in your arms, hold me tight"
    my favourite line....

    Having faith that dreams can come true,
    this rendezvous will see us through,
    'til there is no more make believe,
    no need for us to ever leave, or say adieu.
    ^^^^^
    oh my gosh I'm on this state right now. ..I can't hold him, dreaming bout him every night was my last resort. ..lol. ..

    I love this Sylvia. ..Thanks for sharing

    Gel

  • 7 months ago

    by Naughtymouse

    I can't say much to this piece that hasn't already been said..... So I'll just leave it with awesome :)

    Ben