hurts more often than not
and it took me a long long time to even feel half alive. I came out of my cocoon full force at 18, then I did so again at 20, then life stopped moving for four years.
I'm not nearly as determined as I seem.
I am not nearly as tough as I come across,
I keep coming back to this place
to this struggle, to this pain, to these faces that age but don't change
Why do I do that to myself?
What is it about this pain has me on a chokehold? Wasn't life without it all I ever dreamed off? Wasn't life without it all I ever fought for? Did I lose sight of the bigger picture? Did I really forget the depth because I was caught up in the distance?