I am so sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you during this hugely difficult time in your life. This is such a beautiful poem, it resonates so much of everything going on in your life. Stay strong -hugs
I am not going to comment in my usual way about the content and tone and language or imaginary of this poem written by you. But I would like to tell you something because like other members of Pnq I read your post too on the discussion forum.
Noura, he is still with you and will always be as once you mentioned in your potf thread, "my ex used to call me jasmine."
This beautiful bond of love between you and your ex lover is eternal.
Look, he is still your strength and please put yourself out of this discouraging situation and start fighting once again, if not for yourself, at least for him.
He fought and gave his life so that somewhere his people (you, your sister and his other friends) stay safe and healthy. It's time for you to fight back with this tough situation happening in your life and to bring out yourself and your sister from all these troubles.
I am sure wherever his pure soul is right now, he's watching over you and he still be wanting the same peace, love and smile on your face and will forever.
This is so full of darkness and grief that I cannot put in words how it left me feeling.
The beautiful thing about the poem is how easily I could picture that moment, and I could feel this coming from true sadness over the loss of a loved one.
The grief I sense in this poem, it overwhelms me. You have captured those moments very well as the pain resurfaces each time one looks back at each photograph, re-lives each memory, and the amount of destruction the death of a loved one causes. And your pain to not be able to cry at funerals - it got to me.