Summer always spelled out secrets;
I almost suffocated, convinced that I must
bear the heat, long sleeves in 101 degree weather.
Even when I relented, able to bathe in sunlight
without regret, I felt a profound sadness -
my innocence manifested as scars.
Summer finds a way to betray me
yet winter is not a friend either,
though I relish in the wonder of snow
and sleeping by a steadfast fire,
the cold months make it easier
to cover up and become invisible...
disappearing beneath wool sweaters
while my true self itches to be discovered.
I only drink tea and eat crumbs from
teaspoons, blackness settles in my gut.
Since the winter has no mercy, why should I?
But the time in between the extremes
provides a haven, an escape where I can
tell my soul to calm, to stop wrestling.
October winds conduct a symphony,
clearing my skull and rushing into
my lungs with a sweetness akin to
honey and nostalgia. Stars -
freckles on a moonlit face.
The atmosphere - giving me room
to breathe without duress.
I walk gravel roads unafraid of
my heart failing due to oppressive
hibernation. Soon, the calendar
will turn but I will remain here - fixed.
Stability calls my name.
This is a fascinating, thought provoking write which is full of sadness I think until at the end where there's some hope of finding 'stability' maybe it's within a relationship or in your own mind.. may long it continue