Comments : Dear Lord, Take My Angel

  • 12 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    "Are you an Angel sent by God when he couldn't be there?"
    Thinking very carefully about this I'm not sure a four year old would be mentally aware to think, let alone say this.

    Ways around this: make the boy older or simplify the line. (Or leave it be, it's just an opinion!!)

    For me this is the only sticking point in an otherwise well written piece. I honestly enjoyed it. \4/

    Bert

  • 12 years ago

    by Heather M Craig

    what a beautiful poem!! thanks for the comment

  • 12 years ago

    by Jomar Bautista

    Wow that was really something. I almost cried.=( You are sure great can you plz comment or suggest anything on my poems so that I can make the a lot better like yours.Thanks!!!=)

  • 12 years ago

    by Elise

    wow, im crying right now....WOW !!! its truly beautiful and briliant and its just...wow...Take care,
    E.

  • 12 years ago

    by !*!Zoe!*!

    Tears in my eyes...gorgeous. I love it. Just....amazing. Wow...I can't express it any better than this, and I am not doing a good job....

    xoxZoexox

  • omg this was so sweet! I loved this poem awesome job!!!Keep up the great work

  • 12 years ago

    by Amilo

    Good. I like. :)

    The only thing is, I thought it was too much of a story instead of a poem, and the poetic beauty and nature is a bit absent.. but that's just my opinion...

    this line:

    "Are you an Angel sent by God when he couldn't be there?"

    was a bit tough to plow through.. it lacked the easy flow that was in the preceding lines. I think I saw the same problem in

    "A voice whispered "Don't worry, in heaven we'll meet again"

    ....really, overall I thought it was quite good, although the long-winded, story-format isn't really my style...

    keep writing!! :)

  • 12 years ago

    by pinkalias

    Usually, I don't partake in this story-line poetry, but this was an exception.
    My eyes were stinging through it, it was an honorable and heart wrenching piece that portrayed the heros that have earned just the praise you have written through this work. It was so lovely, the way you detailed the feeling through the piece of the images pictured of a frightened child and angel-like hero taking the stand and triumphantly giving his life for the sake of others. These lines just left me heart-felt and emotional
    "The little boy understood,
    Even at the tender age of four
    That his angel had gone back to God
    And was knocking at Heaven's door"
    i also loved the last line,
    ...A voice whispered "Don't worry, in heaven we'll meet again"
    It creates the aspect of hope and anticipation to gratitude and honor of the reader. Beautiful job, (and this is more praise than it sounds considering I very rarely appreciate this style-poetry, but anyways, beautifully done.)

  • 12 years ago

    by pinkalias

    *gratitude and honor of the savios/angel-like hero...sorry

  • 12 years ago

    by Unseen Exposure

    I'm pretty sure I have to wipe a tear or two away from my eye for this one. This was beautiful. I love how you compared the firefighter to an angel. Its so true. On that day, and every other day, they really are angels. My dad was a firefighter for 25 years and recently retired, and I know how hard he tried to save everyone who needed saving. They're so dedicated to people they don't even know. You portrayed this story, and the complete willingness, and selflessness that firefighters possess. Wonderful poem.

  • 12 years ago

    by Janie

    passes out... GREAT

  • 12 years ago

    by Minkus

    Amazing! Someone who can rhyme, yet still say what they mean! That's just great. All I can say.

  • 12 years ago

    by Nobia

    omg tht ws simply amazinggggggggggg work!!!!!!!! soo sweet i go totally lik engrossed!! neat work keeptup!! chek out mine somtime!!see ya arnd!

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenn

    hey, I really liked this poem, it was very well writen! well your very talented keep it up!!

  • 12 years ago

    by ßeAuTiFuLlY~bRoKeи

    that was so good! it's one thing to write your feelings but that you came up with a story like that and made it sound so great as a poem....i don't think i could, that was really touching keep it up!
    xxxChristinaxxx

  • 12 years ago

    by bucky

    wow that was an amazingly written story i loved it ... that must took a long time to right

  • 12 years ago

    by Tainted Butterfly

    This was a very touching poem. Great job.

  • Wow, definatly one of your best, I absolutly loved it. Thanks for all the comments on mine, I took them into consideration. I edited my poem, "Dead the Next Morning", I think it sounds a lot better. Take care, I will add you to my favorites too. I love reading your poems. Keep it up,

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  • 12 years ago

    by creasy

    WOW! WOW! WOW!! very sad, but that was soo beautifully written!! this poem needs to be a 5! 5! 5! nice choice of words!!..*perfect* keep it up!! :)

  • 12 years ago

    by katie!

    Wow, very good, very poweful well done