hey cool poem... for you.. i think you said you wanted help, i'm not sure.. well.. try writing a structured poem.. a rhyming one.. then you will get the flow and then your "free verse" or poems like these will have a larger impact on the reader!! but i really love your creativity!! AWESOME!
Another great poem! This one reminds me of my son. I was with his father for 9 years. The love that came from that relationship was my son! Once again a job well done! I look forward to reading more of your work! ~Brooke~
all poems have a flow, but either it's good or it's not...and this one is right in the middle...it's not horribly bad, but it's not absolutely perfect either...but nice idea, good word choice! keep it up!