When

by Bradley Peter   Sep 15, 2005


When the glowing light leads you astray
And the evil begins to feel good
When your mind turns and starts to play
Games that no mind should
When your white knight has transformed to black
And a witch is crowned a queen
Have you raced yourself off the track
And has the seen become unseen

When a small boy has lost all hope
And cries alone in his bed
When the only answer is six feet of rope
To clear the thoughts in his head
When modern stone takes all the trees
And green transforms to grey
And the city falls but no-one sees
That things were headed this way

When the magic has gone and only dust remains
That can never be revived
When the blood has fled and left your veins
And wonder how you survived
When the mouse is chased to the end of the line
But not eaten, coz the cat is lazy
That surely is a sign
That this world has gone crazy

*Please forgive the last four lines. I dislike the taste of them in my mouth much more than you do, I assure you, but I do not believe in editing out my mistakes. Life does not grant us that privilege, and so I won't administer the ability here*

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Latest Comments

  • 2 months ago

    by Lucifer

    The first too stanzas are good, but the poem lost its magic in the third stanza.

    • 2 months ago

      by Bradley Peter

      I disagree slightly. I think it's the very last four lines that are complete rubbish. I've thought so almost as soon as I'd posted it, but I never edit out my mistakes. This is perhaps my favourite of my poems, and it has been tarnished by those last four lines, and so I keep them there to forever remind me that even a good poem can come off badly with a weak ending, and also that less quality, is far greater than more lack their of. But thank you very much for your comment.

  • 4 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Hi. The poem started so dark that I did not quite anticipate it would end that way. Honestly, the things you have mentioned in the first and second stanzas are more than crazy, they are dreadful and unfortunate. Because you will love an honest comment, I think that lazy and crazy kinda melt the darkness of the piece. I will read the second version though. Besides that, this was undoubtedly a great write.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Wow. Captivating from start to finish. Love how you paint darkness in society.

  • 3 years ago

    by EchosLastSong

    I really enjoyed the line "And has the seen become unseen". It reminds me of the Narnian spell Lucy recites to "Make the Unseen Seen" :)

    One thing I really didn't like is when you used the word "cuz". My mother was an english teacher so it really grinds my gears when people don't use correct grammar.

  • 4 years ago

    by Areeba

    This was an amazing poem (:
    i loved it