Wow, that was a very terrifying poem. So sad, and so powerful. It scares me to know that kids can carry guns to school. A very good poem, I like the story from beginning to.. well, the ending was sad, but the heroine must die sometimes. Very creative write, I'm not sure if it's a story that happened to someone you know, or something you heard, but I'm sure it's true, somewhere in the world at least. Awesome stuff!
I liked this one in particular.
It shows a situation that could happen anywhere all over the world.
Like Darien, it shocks me to think people would bring knifes to a place of learning where people should feel safe.
Great Poem !
Awesome poem Tinyd! I teach school so your poem really hits home. I loved the way you rhymed your sentences. It flowed smoothly but at the same time the pace made my heart flutter.
Nate aka "The Tie Guy"
Ok TinyD, here is your critique.... it's heartfelt, emotional and beautifully written. There really isn't anything I would change except to delete 2 words, and they are, 4th stanza "when" and 7th stanza "and" Other than that, the rhyme and flow make for a wonderful read that tells a very sad story.......
Wow o my goodness im at a loss of words this was one of the sadest poems i have ever read i wanted to cry the messages is amazing you never know when it could all end makes you think huh keep up the amazing work 5.5
Hey, this is really good...i got cold shivers when i read this..it's so scary, and i know that it happens around the world...makes you realize how much ppl actually take for granted...great job..take care..5/5
~Luv Alwayz Knoxy