The story was really sweet and the poem overall was presented well but the 1st and final stanza I find a little out of place. Personally I would remove them as I think the 'story' stands alone well but that's just my opinion
Aww! It's so adorable! I loved it! It was like true love! ^_^
I liked this one mainly 'cause it's a story sorta poem. It tells a story, but still has emotion in it. You expressed your feelings very well in this. I felt as if it was me who this story was about. Don't ask me why. This has never actually happened to me before, but that's how your poem effected me.
The flow was a little rocky here and there, especially in the last stanza. But the 'plot' and the lines were wonderfully thought out. The rhymes here and there seemed cliche, but overall, great job. =) 5/5 xoxo
Right, on the whole, I thought this was a good poem. It was honest and you didn't attempt to fit loads of over the top vocabulary in it. Although this is a very often written about subject, I think you did a good job. You conveyed the emotions well, and the story was sweet.
There were a couple of stanza's where the flow was a little bit interrupted
"She lead him to a quiet spot
Upon the fresh green grass
They both sat down, she looked him in the eye
And got up the nerve she needed to ask"
I think it's the fact that the second lines are much longer, it just jolted me out of the story a little bit. Perhaps you could turn it into two stanzas? Or shorten the lines?
"She noticed something kind of funny-
He was acting sort of strange
So she asked him what was wrong, he replied,
"I'm having trouble with this change.""
I think its just the "he replied" part that makes that line slightly too long. I'm not sure how you could change that though.
Overall, I enjoyed your poem a lot, I think you wrote about the subject honestly and didn't make it over a top.
Although the ending was a bit of a cliche, there is NOTHING wrong with that, after all, the cliches are simply the things everyone remembers because everyone can relate to them in some way.
Keep writing. Hope this was helpful
I can really feel the love you portrayed between the two characters in the poem. It's strong and it is real. The poem flows together quite lovely and the story is beautiful. I love that it was narrated and not just a "you" and "I" kind of poem. Those poems are a bit more difficult to write, because the observation has to be precise to have the poem make any sense at all.. And you did that very well, with some very good rhymes. I also like that the rhymes didn't seemed forced. I also like how you're rhymes weren't just simple like... "cat, hat" kind of thing, but different like.... "bit, lip" It's not a perfect rhyme.. and I like that, because it shows that you were more focused on the storyline. Keep writing you have a lot of potential! 5/5 from me.
I really like the story behind this one.. it's very sweet. The only problem I saw with this was the third line of the last stanza. It's much longer than the rest of the lines and reads kind of awkward, I think that it would work much better if you took off "and disappointment." that way, the flow would be much better and you'd still get your point across to the reader. Other than that, the flow was really good and held up well. Great job on this! 5/5 Keep it up!