Great write, I enjoyed the read. The flow as well as the structure was good. The rhyme in this poem was excellent, keep on writing, you're talented.
This line, "Up all night, and sleep all day." should either be changed to, "Up all night, and slept all day." OR "Up all night, and sleeping all day." because the way you have it, you are contradicting yourself with present and past tenses, try to keep it the same tense.
In this line, "Someone now who's just like you." did you mean "now" or "new" from the way I read it, it should be "new"
Also this line, "She's one you now, she did succeed." I don't think you meant "one" for it is the number, I think you meant "won" meaning winning (or in the case of this poem, Winning her over you) Therefore the line should read, "She's won you now, she did succeed."