Ohmygod. Wow. This was AMAZING. I am literally speechless, this was excellent. And you say I have good vocabulary?? Yourss is amaazing. The flow in this was great, the descriptions were so poetic and metaphoric, and the emotion was clear. This poem was so unique and thats a rare thing these days. I just loved the idea of leeches sucking your blood and snakes putting in venom. So either way you die. This was really really good, i love it. 5/5
O......M......G..... this poem is simply amazing. It's so deep and dark that it makes my skin crawl, in a good way, lol. Personally, to me, this poem speaks of listening to your inner voice, and how when you ingore it sometimes you feel like you're being eaten from the inside out and that you if you had only listened to your inner voice, instead of the other voice, you wouldn't be feeling regret. This poem is very deep and I can't come up with a word good enough to descibe the imagry. I'm amazed. I LOVED it. 5/5 seems a shame.
This wasn't what i was looking for but i'll comment as its unuasually good for this format. i can tell alot of thought went into this poem. it is unusualy deep and captivating.. i especialy liked this stanza ~Of course you see its comfort, its offer thats consistent,
The offer of a life times pain, to be your true assistant.
Terror of rejection, and fright of your desire
Is drowning out the notes of your strong subconscious choir~ very true.
Im speechless. And mesmerised. That is just amazingly and beautifully beautiful. And just basically amazing. It's so intelligently written. And deep. And powerful. You have such a gift. I'd give it like 10000/5 given the chance. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
ALL my love. Alwaaays. x
I've no words..Powerful would be an understatement for such a perfect dark poem..
I loved the iomagery u've penned..and the flow was very smooth and the choice of words SUPERB!...
Your choice of atmospheric and thematic language enforced the message of this piece beautifully. The rhyming couplets are weaved in the poem in a very mature and superb manner, and the following lines are perhaps the most effective (probably because of the amazing rhyme scheme :) =
"The only thing thats cradling desires to be dead
Is that terrifying, oscillating, voice inside your head."
The imagery is just excellent. There is no criticism there, dear :). However, I believe your punctuation could do with a little tweaking here:
Second stanza, after the word 'sensations', use the semi colon ';' as opposed to a full stop - it keeps the pace and flow of the piece working effectively.
And, this is just a personal thought, I think the last line of the third stanza where you've written 'As it slowly starts to sink itself...' - the 'slowly' isn't really needed. I feel it would work just as effectively without it; but that's up to you :).
Other than that, deary, this is absolute class. Very well done :).
Very deep and dark emotion are coming from this piece. Great job!
Like the lethal dusty cobra, darling, shed your skin.
Find shelter in its absence; let your mortal heart begin
To remove from your digestion, remove from your control,
All the millions of leeches who are feeding off your soul.
Imagery and word choices are excellent.
Take Care Cindy
The flow was amazing,
the poem itself was perfect in my opinion.
Thank you for commenting on my poem,
I'm glad it kept you interested.
Keep up the great writing,
your poetry is wonderful,
your talent is very noticeable.
Don't let anyone tell you differently.
WOW Geo!! all of the people who commented your poems left you extremely long comments and detailed critiques. I don't know how I can do that lol, but it was beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaautiful!!! BY FAR THE BEST POEM YOUVE EVER WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so elegant and unique. The details were just...wow. Vocabulary-amazing!!!!!! JUST LIKE YOU!! That was brilliant!!!!!!!
Wow, absolutely amazing poem. It's deep, utilizes powerful metaphors, strong solid vocabulary and very very descriptive. Well done on the rhyming and the message is wonderful. It says to me that you need to sing about the better things in life and not let the bad things like the "Terror of rejection, and fright of your desire" get you down.
I loved it well done,
I effing love this.
This is one of the best poems I've read in a LONG time on this site. Like, seriously...about six months or plus.
I love the beginning line; it drug me in and the rest kept me captivated until the end.
You're rhyming was PHENOMAL. [Spelling?]
I loved your choice and usage of words.
This is definately amazing.
Keep it up.