Comments : Your Subconscious Choir

  • 11 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Amazing poem, excellently written.
    I really like the powerful imagery that you created and the words choice in the poem.
    Keep writing, this one is an exquisite piece.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jessica

    Ohmygod. Wow. This was AMAZING. I am literally speechless, this was excellent. And you say I have good vocabulary?? Yourss is amaazing. The flow in this was great, the descriptions were so poetic and metaphoric, and the emotion was clear. This poem was so unique and thats a rare thing these days. I just loved the idea of leeches sucking your blood and snakes putting in venom. So either way you die. This was really really good, i love it. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by xPerfect Chaosx

    O......M......G..... this poem is simply amazing. It's so deep and dark that it makes my skin crawl, in a good way, lol. Personally, to me, this poem speaks of listening to your inner voice, and how when you ingore it sometimes you feel like you're being eaten from the inside out and that you if you had only listened to your inner voice, instead of the other voice, you wouldn't be feeling regret. This poem is very deep and I can't come up with a word good enough to descibe the imagry. I'm amazed. I LOVED it. 5/5 seems a shame.

    Much Love,

  • 11 years ago

    by TwiztidJuggalette

    Wow...That was very deep...And so amaziling beatiful...It was written very well...I couldn't stop reading it...5/5...

  • 11 years ago

    by Rocky

    This wasn't what i was looking for but i'll comment as its unuasually good for this format. i can tell alot of thought went into this poem. it is unusualy deep and captivating.. i especialy liked this stanza ~Of course you see its comfort, its offer thats consistent,
    The offer of a life times pain, to be your true assistant.
    Terror of rejection, and fright of your desire
    Is drowning out the notes of your strong subconscious choir~ very true.

  • 11 years ago

    by Sophie

    Im speechless. And mesmerised. That is just amazingly and beautifully beautiful. And just basically amazing. It's so intelligently written. And deep. And powerful. You have such a gift. I'd give it like 10000/5 given the chance. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.
    ALL my love. Alwaaays. x

  • 11 years ago

    by Startle Me

    Like the lethal dusty cobra, darling[[]] shed your skin.
    Add another comma in there.

    I'm quite speechless, I have to say.

    Most of the poems I've been reading have been... okay.

    But this is... uh-maze-zing.

    I love your vocabulary in this, dear.
    They're quite well, smart.

    Your flow was fabulous.
    I have to say, dear.

  • 11 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    I've no words..Powerful would be an understatement for such a perfect dark poem..
    I loved the iomagery u've penned..and the flow was very smooth and the choice of words SUPERB!...

    Great job m'dear


  • 11 years ago

    by bleeding limegrenn

    Wow.....thasts poem was jsut favoret part was the hole thing...but my favoret line was "Writhing, bleeding, stretching, as you clench your insides tight"

  • 11 years ago

    by Fluffy

    Brilliant. :)

    Your choice of atmospheric and thematic language enforced the message of this piece beautifully. The rhyming couplets are weaved in the poem in a very mature and superb manner, and the following lines are perhaps the most effective (probably because of the amazing rhyme scheme :) =

    "The only thing thats cradling desires to be dead
    Is that terrifying, oscillating, voice inside your head."

    The imagery is just excellent. There is no criticism there, dear :). However, I believe your punctuation could do with a little tweaking here:

    Second stanza, after the word 'sensations', use the semi colon ';' as opposed to a full stop - it keeps the pace and flow of the piece working effectively.

    And, this is just a personal thought, I think the last line of the third stanza where you've written 'As it slowly starts to sink itself...' - the 'slowly' isn't really needed. I feel it would work just as effectively without it; but that's up to you :).

    Other than that, deary, this is absolute class. Very well done :).

  • 11 years ago

    by Cindy

    Very deep and dark emotion are coming from this piece. Great job!

    Like the lethal dusty cobra, darling, shed your skin.
    Find shelter in its absence; let your mortal heart begin
    To remove from your digestion, remove from your control,
    All the millions of leeches who are feeding off your soul.

    Imagery and word choices are excellent.
    Take Care Cindy

  • The flow was amazing,
    the poem itself was perfect in my opinion.
    Thank you for commenting on my poem,
    I'm glad it kept you interested.
    Keep up the great writing,
    your poetry is wonderful,
    your talent is very noticeable.
    Don't let anyone tell you differently.

  • 11 years ago

    by .K.i.T.t.Y.

    First off, this poem is so long, but i have to read it because just the title adn the first line seem interesting enough.

    the title has me wondering...

    haha, i think its an interesting inspirational poem underneath all the dark. this poem was nicely done. the way you set the poem up with its depth was really goood.

    thnks for the comment.

  • 11 years ago

    by ashley

    This is amazing very good use of rhyming and imagery.

  • 11 years ago

    by Miu

    This was so amazing that i read it twice:) Very deep and captivating. Powerful and simply beautiful.
    Never stop writting, you are very talented.

  • 11 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Beautiful poem! I love it. I like the opening stanza, good use of simile. Excellent choice of words! Well penned The descriptions are strong and the poem is really deep. 5/5!

  • 11 years ago

    by Just Sierra

    WOW Geo!! all of the people who commented your poems left you extremely long comments and detailed critiques. I don't know how I can do that lol, but it was beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaautiful!!! BY FAR THE BEST POEM YOUVE EVER WRITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! It was so elegant and unique. The details were Vocabulary-amazing!!!!!! JUST LIKE YOU!! That was brilliant!!!!!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Alex Marlatt

    Wow, absolutely amazing poem. It's deep, utilizes powerful metaphors, strong solid vocabulary and very very descriptive. Well done on the rhyming and the message is wonderful. It says to me that you need to sing about the better things in life and not let the bad things like the "Terror of rejection, and fright of your desire" get you down.
    I loved it well done,

  • 11 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    I effing love this.
    This is one of the best poems I've read in a LONG time on this site. Like, seriously...about six months or plus.

    I love the beginning line; it drug me in and the rest kept me captivated until the end.
    You're rhyming was PHENOMAL. [Spelling?]
    I loved your choice and usage of words.
    This is definately amazing.
    Keep it up.

    xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

  • 11 years ago

    by MyDevotion

    Wow.............The wording is absolutely amazing! I mean this is trully a work of art, perfection honestly! Every line keeps to captivated until the very end! Brilliant!!! Loved it!