Unseen Sea
by sonya Nov 17, 2014
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We were alone in the depths of our minds. We payed no attention to the clock times because my eyes were on you and yours were on mine. A feeling so sensual, so sublime. I'd never I'd rekindle the thought, the wetness of pain, the severe drought. You're like a tornado in my thine eye. Gold simmers on our coast , seashells saying goodbye. We were once one, smiling in fear. A kiss on the neck, a bite of the ear. The feeling of knowing when something's wrong. The feeling so good, but so strong. We never met, but you stayed yet. I was just a girl on the internet who his behind your face as a mask. Giving up the lies were an awful task. You stayed, I lied, I screamed in a rage. You read the story of my life, just turn the page. You're gone now, I see. From a "we" to a "me". Drown me in a deep unseen sea. |
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Latest Comments
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9 years ago
The emblence here sounds sad feelings, owing to the lost of an E-friend. I love the contradiction set in this lines "..... The wetness of pain, the severe drought. You are like a tornado...... Keep the pen alive my friend.
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9 years ago
by Everlasting
I can hear the beat! This piece may benefit with some editing. There were a few lines that made me pause. Some extra words got on the way of eyes. They felt like tiny rocks that hit me hard. I was about to cry, but then I found my way through the lines, and until then I started to feel the rhythm. The rhythm this piece has. I love that.
Well done.
Edit:
Example of a line that I felt had extra words:
"You're like a tornado in my thine eye."
^ my thine? Wouldn't it be either or those two? My or thine?
