I wish...

by ImTheGirl   Nov 29, 2015


I wish I could tell you that I'm sad
Not some of the time, but all of the time
The sadness consumes me like fire consumes paper
Once it gets started, it's nearly impossible to stop
Cheer up! They tell me..Smile!
If only it were that easy
In fact, the mere thought of smiling or laughing seems to be more than I can handle, let alone even try
Today, I don't feel like talking to anyone
I'm too busy arguing with the demons in my head to set me free
I'm too busy negotiating the terms of my life and explaining why I should be happy, even though at the moment I don't believe that I should
I keep hearing that happiness is a choice
And for a second, I almost agreed
Until I looked in the mirror and saw a wrinkled face with baggy eyes
Surely anyone including myself would choose happiness over this
I never knew that pain could be so painful
That it could seep into your flesh, blood, and bones
That pain could taunt and tease you
Like a child, it taps you on the shoulder only to run away when you turn around.
There is no way for you to deceive it or make it go away.
I wish that you could help me
Without the questions or judgements
Only with the understanding of something that I myself do not truly understand.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Mmm, this poem struck me emotionally. My heart goes out to you in this piece. Though I don't know you or have walked in your shoes, I'm humbled that you shared a bit of your pain and voice in this.

    I wanted to comment that you are not alone and that I can say I've had many times where I battled with what I say are two versions of myself. The version that wants to get better and has all these awesome resources and support for family... or, the side that knows she needs help but doesn't know what to ask for. I feel your desperation here, for someone to give support and not just assume it's support by asking question after question or cliched lines, then leaving you. But staying.

    I too have struggled with accepting "happiness is a choice". I try to live by that and people definitely inspire me that they choose to have a good day, but there are sometimes where it seems more heavy than that. We need more shoulders to lean on and rely on at times.

    Hope you take care, thank you for sharing this.

  • 8 years ago

    by zabetha

    Been there done that doing that wearing the t shirt... where's the pick me up??? nice job,.

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