Survive

by Men   Dec 23, 2007


Now and again I have try
To not be alone
And not have to cry

I cannot go back to that place
I rather just die alone
A place where I am but a disgrace
No! I will forget about the life I've known

Now my insides are burning
And these memories fading
I just want to make it alive
Please pull me to the other side

Yet this need of breaking skin
The feeling of pain inside
This agony stretching within
Is to strong for me to fight

Lying in this bed waiting to die
Forgotten memories flashes by
And as the Reaper comes to my side
I realize that there is no need to survive

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Well written the flow was dead on for the most part but the first was a little rocky Try reading the poem out loud a few days after you first right it to get a new look and sound of the flow, it helps, the emotion was deep, and real, the vocab was powerful, a well written peiec that deserves no loess than 5/5
    And although I don't give 5/5 to everyone, I feel i have to say that you honestly deserved it.

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Now and again I have try
    To not be alone
    And not have to cry

    ^^ I think it was a weak-ish beginning, but it wasn't horrible. Just remember the beginning of the poem is what draws the read in and holds their attention.

    I cannot go back to that place
    I rather just die alone
    A place where I am but a disgrace
    No! I will forget about the life I've known

    ^^ Go into more detail. What place are you talking about? But don't come right out and say it, just give really big hints. Then the reader and interpret the poem how they wan to.

    And these memories fading

    ^^ This is a really big cliche. I think if you worded it differently it would be more appealing. Try something different. Take a chance. Maybe try "And these memories are evaporating/disinegrating/dissolving".

    Yet this need of breaking skin
    The feeling of pain inside

    ^^ I liked the first line, but the second line.. the word "pain" just kills it for me. The word "pain" is so over used. Try something new. :]

    Is to strong for me to fight

    ^^ The first "to" should be "too".

    Lying in this bed waiting to die

    ^^ >.< Don't tell exactly what's happening. Describe it. Describe what you're feeling, what your laying on, where you are.

    Forgotten memories flashes by

    ^^ The only part I don't like about this line is the word "Forgotten". Maybe change it to "lost"?

    And as the Reaper comes to my side
    I realize that there is no need to survive

    ^^ I reeeaaally like the first line. I think in the second like though, you were trying to rhyme too hard. This is also the ending, so I think it needs to be stronger. It's the last thing that the reader will take away from your poem, you've got to make it memorable. Something that sticks out in their mind.

    I hope this comment helps, and I wasn't too harsh. >.<

    Good job.

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    This poem was very good and decently written. The flow was good, I loved the word choice, and the concept was great! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    This was a great poem and i really like the title.
    the message is clear and i like your rhyme scheme.
    i really liked the ending. :] great piece. 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by FridusBlueheaven

    I really love your wordage, a bit off in some part but still excellent one...
    Still 5/5 to me...