Beep, beep, beep

by Kaila   Mar 22, 2008


The room is silent and all I can hear is the rhythmic beeping,
Machines flash different noises and lights but I don't see,
Focusing on your closed eyes my chest rises and falls,
Tears escape my lids and I'm rushed with disbelief.

Doctors in there gowns gather outside their door,
I do not see them for you are my only affixation,
My breathing becomes rapid when I touch your blue hands,
Squinting eyes squeeze out tears, dripping down lightly and fast.

The beeping of the machine is in unison with the beating of my heart,
Kneeling down to catch glimpses of the way you face flows,
Trying to smile but more tears spill down my smeary canvas,
Doctors open the door and my mind goes blank and I don't remember.

Everything apart of this is a blur, a mistake, but what is it?
Why is this happening when we only just met not long ago.
This can't be over we have only just started and I need you here.
Who is going to be my father now daddy who? Why are you leaving?

You still haven't taught me how to ride a bike or swim,
Who is going to protect me from boys when I am a teen daddy? Who?
When are you coming back to me dad? I need you here.
What are they doing with those tubes? What's going on?

Questions race past my mind as the doctors proceed,
Ripping tubes and needles from every direction my mind racing,
They look at me sympathetically but I'm too confused to care,
Where are they rolling you daddy? Can I come just this once?

You were rolled into another room and mommy started crying,
Harder then me, it was almost a race because I cried harder too.
She held me and my shirt became wet with the taste of her tears,
The salt tasted sour and my mouth became dry, and I panicked.

Blacking out in the hospital, not getting a chance to say goodbye,
Standing here today, I still ask the questions when and why?
What did I feel like in your arms were you always happy?
If you read this in heaven dad, please don't let me go.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    Edit:
    Second stanza, first line, wrong there. It's their.
    Fourth stanza, second line. You're asking a question. You began with why. End it with a question mark.
    Fourth stanza, last line. I'd use a comma before who. If not that do a question mark and then ask who like you did in the next stanza.
    Five stanza second line. Teen daddy should be teen, daddy? Otherwise you're calling yourself a boy with a baby, which I don't think you intended.
    Second to last stanza, second line. It's than me.
    Last stanza, second line. You're making a statement. You're saying you still ask those questions.
    There are some other things I could have corrected but I decided not to. They were just a bunch of punctuation corrections.

    Response:
    Good poem. It was heartfelt. It had some mistakes, but if it was being read to me out loud, I wouldn't have been able to pick out most of those mistakes. So, as a whole, the poem was good. Just work on that punctuation stuff. That's your main problem. You projected the scene very well, so it was easy to picture everything, as I read.

    Rating:
    Four.

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    This poem had almost overwhelming emotion for me. I felt like crying at the end. You did a great job on this one. Your flow was perfect, and the vocabulary was really strong. I only found one mistake:
    Doctors in there gowns gather outside their door,
    should be their*
    I'm so sorry for your lose. You protrayed your emotions so beautifully. I wanted to pick my favorite line but I can't choose... Great write.

    Marvelous Job.

    5.5

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    Its realy good i like the tittle and i just get lost somewhere but still got the meaning behind keep working you got the talent

  • 16 years ago

    by Alvaro

    Oh forgot my favorite stanza was

    Questions race past my mind as the doctors proceed,
    Ripping tubes and needles from every direction my mind racing,
    They look at me sympathetically but I'm too confused to care,
    Where are they rolling you daddy? Can I come just this once?

    it was unique.. well 2 me..

  • 16 years ago

    by Alvaro

    The first and last stanze sealed off perfect.. as if a soft gentle bow being tied by natures hand loved it splended keep writing please!

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