Why is it getting so hard to remember what happiness feels like?
No matter what i do it still comes back to the fact that this isn't where i imagined myself today, surrounded by hate and greed, constantly looking for something to keep me going. The things that i use to stay sane are slowly driving me to my own destruction, always wondering if this is the only choice i have in life. Constantly being asked where my life is going, everyone has such high hopes, they believe in my so much, when all i see is the bitter truth, there is no future for me, ill probably be dead by age 25.
These drugs that control me, i can never escape them, they will lead me to my demise.
So clear to me then so distant now, is it true? or did i dream it, imagine it. try to make it real, is it a memory or a distant fantasy?
The scars that were once there aren't so clear to me now, were they even there at all? I cant find them anymore. Did i just wish it happened? or did i wish i never had to go through it.
Am i really this delusional?
the tears come faster every time. How long will i let this go on. How long will i sit and wonder, how long will i live like this.
Where is my reality.
What does it really mean to me.
Can i reshape my non-existent future, can i make it real?
real to the rest of the world, not just myself again.