The life of a cutter

I would never wish this pain apon anyone
the nights i stay up late and cry all night long
normally the day starts out just fine then someone mentions a memory from the past and i start to think about it and it gets to me and i start to cry
i go all day smiling fake smiles
when everyone asks are you OK i lie to them and say yes of course why wouldn't i be
well lets see my ex- boyfriend broke up with me months ago, and I'm all alone , i feel like none cares about me and im in this life alone and scared
i look in the mirror and i look like crap and realize this is like a dream that will not end it just keeps getting worse
i go home and pull out my knife because i can take the pain
to me a razor blade is for someone who is scared to die
and i am not if i go to far i would be glad to die tonight
razor blades are skinny and small to were my knife is thick so i make each cut count
its such beautiful sight to see the blood poor from my arm as i begin to cry not because I'm scared but because i love it so damn much
uhhhh i get a rush of adrenalin pumped through my body and i begin to squirm a little and it hurts then
i cover my arms and rinse the blood down the drain and it is no longer there
my take for the day is gone until i wake up tomorrow and go through another day in this freaking hell