INNOCENCE CRUCIFIED

Wow Vaibhav, I really enjoyed this poem. I feel you are saying so much without actually elaborating with regards to what is occuring. This poem leaves the reader, me, questioning, 'well what did they actually do to oppress you in such a way?'

That I believe is the strongest point of your poem for the simple reason that you have set a poem that so many people can relate to! For me, for example, this poem speaks of verbal abuse, of mental suppression.

"Their ill-intention
Crushed my ambition
With my utter innocence
I respected their arrogance"

This part implies that you sought the respect of these people but that they took advantage of this and used it to destroy you. A very powerful concept for the reader to be faced with and one that so many people can relate to! The unloved child, the cheated partner and raped teenager will all understand these words!

"My defeat lay in their victory"

This line is beautiful. It is extremely sad just in itself because to think that someone could be so cruel is quite a depressing thought! The implications in this line however, I believe, are alot deeper! I believe it reflects the state of our world at present! The clutches of our capitalist corruption! People stepping on one another to reach their goals! Our modern day tragedy!!

"If it is a beginning
It will never last for ending
They have started this game
But I will finish the same."

I like the confusion you create with the beginning being the end because it leaves the reader thinking, "which was it??" And then you end it tragically by saying, 'it doesnt matter which is was because I will finish the same." A very powerful ending because it leaves the reader feeling empty! Very effective.

A good poem Vaibhav but I do feel that at certain point you use big words in the wrong context, particularly in the middle of the poem. But, even with that, the message of the poem is so powerful and effective that I must admit I do regard it highly.

Thanks for directing me to your work and my apologies for having taken so long to comment!

Natalie M. Sarantos

Good job. Suggestions:
'I could not make revolt' doesn't really make sense. perhaps "I could not revolt' instead.
'I avoided it coz it was my choice' because of the nature of this poem, a more regal wording would do the poem more justice. Perhaps 'I avoided it because it was my choice' or 'It was my choice to avoid it'
'I was fool I made my grief double' should be 'I was a fool, I made my grief double'

My defeat lay in their victory

beautiful line!

in this line: 'I want to ask a question to them' 'to' should be 'of'

Very strong, feeling ending. Really great. I was worried that you may have lost your original feeling by the end, but you pulled it through and made it really work. Another fabulous job, I can feel your anger, and your resolve to get above it.
Just make sure you get above it, and don't do the same thing.

Great job!

The poem is a statment on what one feels when cheated and when his efforts are denied...
the world sometimes is quite harsh but you don't have to stop...
the lines are reflective and when a reader reads he is lost in the theme....
well done.