Sporadic

by EssenceOfLace   May 7, 2008


I find no comfort in pleasure or pain.
What I lack in life, I cannot make up in dreams.
I have changed.
No longer who I was,
yet not what I should become.

In the song of life;
I lack harmony.

It is not enough to breathe or exist.
Destiny lies on borders I cannot cross.
The distance is immeasurable,
and I'm afraid to ask for directions.

Sitting like a glacier;
fate is the Titanic.

I've found the needs, but never the wants.
I've lived, loved, and lost, but never did I gain.
Granted desires, and the take-what-you-can-get,
but never the deserve.

Existence is a void I cannot fill;
for I am nothing as well.

-------------------------------------------

AUTHORS NOTE: These were just random thoughts going through my mind.

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by fearose

    Wow. Just wow. I'm not sure if I can say much more than that. Random thoughts sometimes make the best poems. This is amazing. Probably my favorite so far.

    "It is not enough to breathe or exist.
    Destiny lies on borders I cannot cross.
    The distance is immeasurable,
    and I'm afraid to ask for directions."

    Gorgeous stanza. It's like you're living in a dreamworld. It's amazing. Though I'm pretty sure WOW sums up everything I'm feeling. Guess the rating and I'm favoriting this one.

  • 15 years ago

    by Belial

    Not bad man, i loved it 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Confessions

    Awwwwwwwww that's damn amazing!!<33333
    "I find no comfort in pleasure or pain.
    What I lack in life, I cannot make up in dreams.
    I have changed.
    No longer who I was,
    yet not what I should become."

    "It is not enough to breathe or exist.
    Destiny lies on borders I cannot cross.
    The distance is immeasurable,
    and I'm afraid to ask for directions."

    "I've found the needs, but never the wants."

    "Granted desires, and the take-what-you-can-get,
    but never the deserve."

    "Existence is a void I cannot fill;
    for I am nothing as well."

  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    -I find no comfort in pleasure or pain.
    What I lack in life, I cannot make up in dreams.
    I have changed.
    No longer who I was,
    yet not what I should become.-

    ^I like this stanza, truly emotional and unique, actually I think that you wrote this opening stanza with such captivating power within words. I like the rhythm which you created in third line, simple but endlessly effective, you somehow put a tone down and said that as a fact and that created even stronger intensity to that thought. I also like the message between last two lines, you expressed greatly emotions of being captured between nothing.
    I think that you maybe overused -I- but that is my personal opinion.

    -The song of life;
    I lack harmony.-

    ^Interesting part, I like the message, it would be maybe more powerful if you add -in- so it would be:
    In the song of life
    I lack harmony

    -It is not enough to breathe or exist.
    Destiny lies on borders I cannot cross.
    The distance is immeasurable,
    and I'm afraid to ask for directions.-

    ^Excellent lines, you described truly deep feeling here with little words, bravo!

    -Sitting like a glacier;
    fate is the Titanic.-

    ^Truly remarkable stanza, I admire the fact that it is so short and deep in the same time, also you left great possibility of double meaning between words because you actually said that fate is crashing from you and inversely. Nice metaphor.

    -I've found the needs, but never the wants.
    I've lived, loved, and lost, but never did I gain.
    Granted desires, and the take-what-you-can-get,
    but never the deserve.-

    ^This is my least favorite stanza, I don't like listing things when you could said them through metaphor and add even more effective tone to the atmosphere. I also think that you need different position of punctuation signs. I would personally organize it like this:

    -I've found the needs, but never the wants.
    ^In my opinion you could put comma on the end of this line because it is practically the same thought with second one, but if that is too long sentence for your taste than leave it like this.

    I've lived, loved, and lost, but never did I gain.

    ^-and- has function of comma so you don't need that sign in front of it. One more thing I think that you wanted to say that you never gained -granted desires- so you can't put a full stop on the end of line, actually if that was the same sentence you don't need any punctuation there.
    Granted desires, and the
    take-what-you-can-get,
    but never the deserve.-

    ^I wouldn't put comma before word -and- I don't see why you used word -the- in first line.

    -Existence is a void I cannot fill;
    for I am nothing as well.-

    ^This ending is pure brilliance! Wow, you truly impressed me with the power of your emotion, fantastic write.

    Overall I enjoyed a lot in this piece, it is truly incredibly written, great topic and the fact that it is written with such honesty, straight from the heart, gave even more beauty and sadness to the whole piece.

  • 15 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Very powerful write. Whole poem sounds personal, like it's written straight from the heart yet I think that a lot of people can relate to this.

    Overall, I liked this poem, just the stanza
    "The song of life;
    I lack harmony."
    doesn't make sense to me because I don't see the connection between those lines. Maybe it would sound better like this:

    - In the song of life,
    I lack harmony.-

    or

    - The song of life
    lacks harmony-

    Other than that, whole poem has good rhythm and deep meaning.

    - Sitting like a glacier;
    fate is the Titanic.-
    ^^^
    My favorite part from the poem. So effective and truly amazing lines, so true sometimes.

    I like the ending lines a lot, they brought whole new spectrum of emotions and impressions to me and I really wish that this poem was longer.

    Greatly written.