Forgetting You Isn't Easy

And trying my damn hardest not to weep
`For some reason, that I really can't pinpoint, I REALLY don't like that line. It just seems ... out of place and obnoxious (probably because of the damn xD) but at the same time I want to keep it there. Eh. I'm conflicted. If I think anymore, I'll probably fry a few braincells.

And I hide all of these emotions I feel
Behind a mask of bright sunny smiles
Used to know me better than anyone else
Why haven't you realized I'm full of guile?
`The first two lines repeat a cliche concept, that I feel that you could've written with more originality. It's worded better than what's typically written, but it still doesn't really stick out, y'know? The rhyme also seems forced, and the flow's kind of rocky ... just a tad bit. It could possibly be your syllabication, though so far you're pretty steady.

One minute you're in love then can't commit
And the next you're sleeping with someone new
But then you whisper that you still love me
I'm wondering if anything you've said is true
`I like this stanza better. But I feel like you should stick a "you" between then + can't. But then that would break the flow really badly ... Hrm ... *frustrated. Urgh! You have this sort of grip on me as a reader, but it's a moderately loose one. Your words are better than many, but they're not strong enough to really grab ahold of me.

So you start out okay, and then it slowly gets stronger, but it never really hits the roof. It wasn't an AMAZiNG piece; it can be bunched in with a lot of cliches, and it'll stick out when compared with those, but that's about as far as it gets.

It's a nicely written piece though, and you do portray the emotion, which a lot of times I've seen, can't always be done. So kudos to that, definitely. Edit here and there, warp some things, and this poem can be something great.

..__MiNDYY

Wow, what a sad poem. I've missed your writings which are so full of emotions.
Take care