Cold Showers Of Paranoia

In the cold light of the morning,
Today no palm birds sing or love birds twitter,
Bemused as silence creeps across the floor,
Perhaps someone got a gun before I did.

Sitting as hours roll away, counting,
Ice droplets that fall onto my skin,
Mixing, lathering; seeping through my pores.
I wish they'd clean the layers of soot,
Formed atop my brain,
Shaking my head trying to scrub it clean,
and get it working,
the water spins around in whirlpools,
creating hallucinations,
I don't want to see.

And I, I hurt myself today,
And red smears across the tiles,
In failed attempts to write her name,
To sketch her face and bring her back again,
To hear her laugh and sing, cause my heart misses,
And nobody sings like you anymore.
And I wish to cry but couldn't, in fears of being watched,
Watched like I always am..
But I wish it were with more love than suspicion.
And you never did like tears.

Watch as spiders crawl across the floor,
Awake, the sun rises in the east,
And I don't wish to live a breath today,
So I lay singing myself to sleep.
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Could you let me cry today.. I don't wish to spark smiles,
Could you hold me today.. I don't wish to be alone,
Could you come back to me love.. I fear the stench of death.